Probably long long overdue for an update...
But as I mentioned in my last post, I've been lining up some things in life... and suddenly my free time has gone from an abundance, to very little. In fact, I think this is the first night in a long time, I'm actually sitting down in front of my computer... with nothing super pressing to be done. *phew* Where to begin? First and foremost, I began the first tiny step on my journey (aka The Marathon) - for those of you who are out of the loop - I'm going back to school. This summer was the first pre-requisite course at Ryerson (I need 3) ... and the first time I actually stepped foot inside a classroom in just over a decade. I can't even express how shattered my nerves were the first day of class... But as my good friend assured me... once I stepped inside the classroom, all those nerves soon dissipated, and I was feeling pumped, and eager to learn. It was an "intensive" course, in that, I crammed a summer's worth of knowledge into 3 weeks (Mon-Thurs). After 3 weeks of living and breathing this course, I came out the other side quite pleased with my mark. (It should also be noted that this was my first University course ever). What I gleaned from the course, was a) I LOVE/ADORE University, and b) I really REALLY need practice on essay writing. Overall, I came out with an A+ and 4.33 GPA.
One down, 2 more to go... but not before I enroll in College (2 year diploma) that is yet another piece to a much larger picture... A picture that has me holding a degree, and getting ready to pursue a Masters. .....
However, let's not look ahead to the finish line yet. One down, and more ground work laid... I have moved to the city of the college I want to attend, I've started back to work (finally!) ... and am slowly getting into a groove with life... I also recently just interviewed for a volunteer position... so I should have some great experiences with that as well. (The volunteer position ties into my career path, so it's another piece to the puzzle).
Now onto the bigger chunk of puzzle... applying to college.
For some reason... I get more stressed out at figuring out school applications than say writing an exam. Go figure.
Outside of that, I joined a gym, but have yet to go... booo... (I'll cut myself some slack, only due to the fact that I was sick almost immediately after joining.... ) but I really need to get on that. ... and just riding life's up's and downs .... and taking them as they come.
I'm REALLY excited to start school again, and just wish I could fast forward to September already... but as I stated before... this is not really a sprinting exercise, so I shall pace myself... and keep taking things as they come....
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Signs...
Recently, things have been falling into place for me... I chose a direction in life, and have started to follow that... Sounds easy enough right? Well... erm... sure... if we decide not to get in our own way... or dare I say... the plan the Universe has for us..
I noticed this phenomena at first, when I applied for a position in Tokyo, Japan in 2006/2007... (on a whim I might add) ... Things in my life were a bit all over the place, and I really didn't feel a connection to much in my life as they were.. I had just come back from spending a month with my Mom who had been recovering from a stroke, and she was stable... my relationship was circling the drain, and my career at that time, was stagnant... I needed a change... Upon coming back I also learned that my apartment had been broken into just mere days before my return home... anything of value was gone, and all my things were turned upside down.
After many MANY months of pressure from friends I joined the all-too-popular social networking site, that we all know and love/hate; Facebook... and stumbled upon a long lost friend, who's network was Japan...
We caught up and I quickly learned that not only did one not need a full degree to teach in Japan if you were under a certain age and qualified, you could apply for a working holiday if you were under the age of 30.. My mind swam with this concept.. for a few reasons... 2007 marked my 30th year on the planet, and I had ALWAYS wanted to live abroad... of course, self doubt, and a million reasons of why this was an impossible task immediately flooded to the forefront of my mind... How could I pay for such a trip? Along with my stereo, etc, my birth certificate had been stolen when my apartment was broken into... I didn't even have a passport! (This was March of 2007)
By the first of April, I had an interview ... and two weeks later, I was told I was accepted, and the line I will never forget: "Welcome to Tokyo" ... I was ecstatic for about 15 minutes, then reality kicked into overdrive... and all those niggling thoughts came flooding back... and if I let it, I would have really potentially got in my own way... and ruined my chance to live abroad for good. Thankfully, I just kicked into some sort of overdrive, and wasn't letting anything stop me from experiencing this opportunity.
I quickly applied for my birth certificate, I stood in several hour long line ups for my passport, as my luck would have it, that was the same year that the American/Canadian border also decided we needed passports to cross into each other's countries.. *joy* I sometimes worked two jobs to fund this trip, and miraculously I was on a plane, with my apartment sublet, and someone taking care of my beloved dog, for a year... by the end of June... It all lined up. I put it out into the Universe, and it fell into place.... This isn't to say, that from the time I was accepted for the job in Tokyo from the time I boarded the plane was smooth sailing... Oh hell no...
I distinctly remember some of my friends asking me if I slept at all during that time... and my response always being the same: "I hear it's a long flight from Canada to Japan, I'll sleep on the plane". There were tears, there was sweat, more than a few of my friendships at times suffered... and felt the strain of me obtaining my goal...
But the true friends, always supported me, and knew how important this was to me, and understood if I was a bit hectic/nutty/bitchy/sleep deprived, during these months.
Now as I am about to embark on an even bigger undertaking which will no doubt take about 6-7 years of my life to obtain my goals, I am both excited and nervous... However, it's a familiar feeling... this feeling is almost parallel to my feelings of my preparation for Tokyo... mostly due to it being tangible I think... i.e. It's actually happening... and the Universe again, is lining up to help me along.. and I'm feeling it more and more each passing day. Which isn't to say, like Tokyo, that there aren't going to be road blocks to overcome, and it's not going to be challenging. This time, my goal is much larger, and instead of a sprint where I will reap the rewards in mere months, this is more like a long distance run... a marathon... I need to pace myself....
I think this is the part that makes me the most nervous... as I've always been a person who works well under pressure, thrives under it in fact... and can work with a really short dead line... ... heck, even as a kid, short distance sprints were my thing... Marathons were almost somewhat of an enigma to me... I have a deep respect for marathon runners, but always looked at them in almost awe like appreciation... but never in relation...
So as I embark on this new chapter in my life, I am doing my best to listen to the signs, and learning a new way to approach things... I know things are falling into place for a reason, and even a blind person could see all the signs pointing me in this direction... Now it's up to me, to not listen to the self-doubt, not get in my own way... and learn how to pace myself... one small step at a time.
I noticed this phenomena at first, when I applied for a position in Tokyo, Japan in 2006/2007... (on a whim I might add) ... Things in my life were a bit all over the place, and I really didn't feel a connection to much in my life as they were.. I had just come back from spending a month with my Mom who had been recovering from a stroke, and she was stable... my relationship was circling the drain, and my career at that time, was stagnant... I needed a change... Upon coming back I also learned that my apartment had been broken into just mere days before my return home... anything of value was gone, and all my things were turned upside down.
After many MANY months of pressure from friends I joined the all-too-popular social networking site, that we all know and love/hate; Facebook... and stumbled upon a long lost friend, who's network was Japan...
We caught up and I quickly learned that not only did one not need a full degree to teach in Japan if you were under a certain age and qualified, you could apply for a working holiday if you were under the age of 30.. My mind swam with this concept.. for a few reasons... 2007 marked my 30th year on the planet, and I had ALWAYS wanted to live abroad... of course, self doubt, and a million reasons of why this was an impossible task immediately flooded to the forefront of my mind... How could I pay for such a trip? Along with my stereo, etc, my birth certificate had been stolen when my apartment was broken into... I didn't even have a passport! (This was March of 2007)
By the first of April, I had an interview ... and two weeks later, I was told I was accepted, and the line I will never forget: "Welcome to Tokyo" ... I was ecstatic for about 15 minutes, then reality kicked into overdrive... and all those niggling thoughts came flooding back... and if I let it, I would have really potentially got in my own way... and ruined my chance to live abroad for good. Thankfully, I just kicked into some sort of overdrive, and wasn't letting anything stop me from experiencing this opportunity.
I quickly applied for my birth certificate, I stood in several hour long line ups for my passport, as my luck would have it, that was the same year that the American/Canadian border also decided we needed passports to cross into each other's countries.. *joy* I sometimes worked two jobs to fund this trip, and miraculously I was on a plane, with my apartment sublet, and someone taking care of my beloved dog, for a year... by the end of June... It all lined up. I put it out into the Universe, and it fell into place.... This isn't to say, that from the time I was accepted for the job in Tokyo from the time I boarded the plane was smooth sailing... Oh hell no...
I distinctly remember some of my friends asking me if I slept at all during that time... and my response always being the same: "I hear it's a long flight from Canada to Japan, I'll sleep on the plane". There were tears, there was sweat, more than a few of my friendships at times suffered... and felt the strain of me obtaining my goal...
But the true friends, always supported me, and knew how important this was to me, and understood if I was a bit hectic/nutty/bitchy/sleep deprived, during these months.
Now as I am about to embark on an even bigger undertaking which will no doubt take about 6-7 years of my life to obtain my goals, I am both excited and nervous... However, it's a familiar feeling... this feeling is almost parallel to my feelings of my preparation for Tokyo... mostly due to it being tangible I think... i.e. It's actually happening... and the Universe again, is lining up to help me along.. and I'm feeling it more and more each passing day. Which isn't to say, like Tokyo, that there aren't going to be road blocks to overcome, and it's not going to be challenging. This time, my goal is much larger, and instead of a sprint where I will reap the rewards in mere months, this is more like a long distance run... a marathon... I need to pace myself....
I think this is the part that makes me the most nervous... as I've always been a person who works well under pressure, thrives under it in fact... and can work with a really short dead line... ... heck, even as a kid, short distance sprints were my thing... Marathons were almost somewhat of an enigma to me... I have a deep respect for marathon runners, but always looked at them in almost awe like appreciation... but never in relation...
So as I embark on this new chapter in my life, I am doing my best to listen to the signs, and learning a new way to approach things... I know things are falling into place for a reason, and even a blind person could see all the signs pointing me in this direction... Now it's up to me, to not listen to the self-doubt, not get in my own way... and learn how to pace myself... one small step at a time.
Monday, April 4, 2011
That's just not me..
"You're just too stupid!"
"You're a complete moron!" "What are you.. an idiot?"
"Woah, you are faaaaaaaaaat!"
"You sure you want dessert? Aren't you on a diet?!"
"Wow, you really could stand to put on a few pounds eh? I can see your bones protruding!"
"What do you mean your jeans aren't designer?!"
"He's/She's just not that into you... "
Things like these can be shot of of people's mouths... and cut through us like arrows or knives... splitting us right through to the very core. Sometimes, some of these are slung as mere jokes... witty one liners meant as just playful banter... we may have even said them ourselves at times...
Most of us may have heard some of these things while growing up... and perhaps never let them go, as adults... so, they stay swirling and festering in our minds as adults.. and when something happens like failure.. be it, a loss of job, a flailing marriage/relationship, etc.. we retreat to the depths of our minds and can fall into the trap of replaying these horrible mind messages, over and over again... wearing ourselves and our esteem down in the process.
Here's where one of my favourite quotes comes in: ""No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
If we choose not to believe these messages, or even better, play better messages - Messages like:
I simply kick ass, I am awesome, I am smart, I am witty,.. etc... then the other messages won't hold as much power...
It's also up to us what we choose to believe about ourselves...
I gave my friend this example - If you know that you are a genius.. or absolutely brilliant... (have degrees, score ridiculously high marks in school, are part of Mensa, etc) if someone were to call you stupid... it probably wouldn't bother you too much... However, if you struggled with your weight (say you were grossly underweight for your height, and are very sensitive about this fact) If someone called you Twiggy, or made a rude comment about this... This would probably strike a nerve... Why? Because it's already something that you have at the forefront of your mind... and are already beating yourself up about... and ergo, probably allowing other people to as well.
So, perhaps the positive affirmations do sound akin to "Stuart Smalley" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuart_Smalley
However, I do believe it is an integral part of the path to happiness with ones self, and having good esteem.
Not to mention, when those not so great messages come flying at you, you can simply duck out of their way gracefully, and think to yourself... "That's just not me"... as you know you are more than just a sum of these fragmented parts of bad message streams that float around... and perhaps ... eventually those bad messages will once and for all take a hike for good in the space of your mind..
"You're a complete moron!" "What are you.. an idiot?"
"Woah, you are faaaaaaaaaat!"
"You sure you want dessert? Aren't you on a diet?!"
"Wow, you really could stand to put on a few pounds eh? I can see your bones protruding!"
"What do you mean your jeans aren't designer?!"
"He's/She's just not that into you... "
Things like these can be shot of of people's mouths... and cut through us like arrows or knives... splitting us right through to the very core. Sometimes, some of these are slung as mere jokes... witty one liners meant as just playful banter... we may have even said them ourselves at times...
Most of us may have heard some of these things while growing up... and perhaps never let them go, as adults... so, they stay swirling and festering in our minds as adults.. and when something happens like failure.. be it, a loss of job, a flailing marriage/relationship, etc.. we retreat to the depths of our minds and can fall into the trap of replaying these horrible mind messages, over and over again... wearing ourselves and our esteem down in the process.
Here's where one of my favourite quotes comes in: ""No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
If we choose not to believe these messages, or even better, play better messages - Messages like:
I simply kick ass, I am awesome, I am smart, I am witty,.. etc... then the other messages won't hold as much power...
It's also up to us what we choose to believe about ourselves...
I gave my friend this example - If you know that you are a genius.. or absolutely brilliant... (have degrees, score ridiculously high marks in school, are part of Mensa, etc) if someone were to call you stupid... it probably wouldn't bother you too much... However, if you struggled with your weight (say you were grossly underweight for your height, and are very sensitive about this fact) If someone called you Twiggy, or made a rude comment about this... This would probably strike a nerve... Why? Because it's already something that you have at the forefront of your mind... and are already beating yourself up about... and ergo, probably allowing other people to as well.
So, perhaps the positive affirmations do sound akin to "Stuart Smalley" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuart_Smalley
However, I do believe it is an integral part of the path to happiness with ones self, and having good esteem.
Not to mention, when those not so great messages come flying at you, you can simply duck out of their way gracefully, and think to yourself... "That's just not me"... as you know you are more than just a sum of these fragmented parts of bad message streams that float around... and perhaps ... eventually those bad messages will once and for all take a hike for good in the space of your mind..
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
All the world is a stage??
Today, I will put my best foot forward.
Today, I will realize that everyone is also fighting some sort of internal battle.. and they don't necessarily share my point of view on life, or the world in general.
Today I will try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
These are things I now try to live by...
Not too long ago... I really didn't take notice to the world around me... I had blinders on... tunnel vision... It was my world, and the people in it, were more like "supporting cast" that came into the frame for mere moments... and then would fleet in and out of the picture... at different times..
My time leading up to my trip to Japan, my time there, and after I came back... my view on life changed drastically... I changed. ... and frankly... Thank the Universe for that!
I felt more in line with the belief that "we are all connected" ... and the thought process of - if a mosquito flaps its wings in Tibet, they feel it in NYC. This concept sometimes is a bit of an extreme to really wrap your mind around... but consider this...
If you are having a crappy day and don't harness or process your thoughts properly... the energy you release outwardly... isn't going to be stellar... ergo, it sets off a Domino effect.... you flip someone the bird, frown, pout, etc... and this sets off into motion a chain reaction.. Whereas, if you patiently... assess your situation, calmly figure stuff out... and try to work through your stuff.. and put your best foot forward... smile... put out positive energy... do nice things.... this too sets off a chain reaction... but of positivity. ...and in the age of the internet... and how closely we *are* all connected now as a global community... It's not such a far fetched idea to consider that your mood could really alter the state of someone across the planet... I mean, how many of us have a friend or 5 living abroad? Or a business associate?
I know I have covered this before... but it's truly something to try to keep at daily... It's not an easy task... It's not a concept to think about.. nod, and say... "Yeah, that's a good idea", and then venture out into the world... and all hell breaks loose... ... it's something I feel we really must be diligent with on a daily basis. Gentle reminders ...
I'm not sitting here on my Lotus petals either, stating that I'm at a zenful, peaceful place, and do the aforementioned without fail.... Sure, I get grumpy, cranky, & moody..... I am human.... What I do try to remember... is that these actions do affect others greatly, and that this mood will affect the other people I care about, and potentially even the people whom I haven't even met before in my life.
This isn't to say, let someone treat you unfairly or poorly... this is where boundaries come in, as mentioned in my previous post (re: Feral Creatures) - but being more open and calm, at least extinguishes a potentially heated situation.... It also helps make clearer and more rational decisions moving forward..
It's a hectic world ... but remaining calm, mindful & positive at least gives us a leg up on trying to see some order in all the chaos out there.
Today, I will realize that everyone is also fighting some sort of internal battle.. and they don't necessarily share my point of view on life, or the world in general.
Today I will try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
These are things I now try to live by...
Not too long ago... I really didn't take notice to the world around me... I had blinders on... tunnel vision... It was my world, and the people in it, were more like "supporting cast" that came into the frame for mere moments... and then would fleet in and out of the picture... at different times..
My time leading up to my trip to Japan, my time there, and after I came back... my view on life changed drastically... I changed. ... and frankly... Thank the Universe for that!
I felt more in line with the belief that "we are all connected" ... and the thought process of - if a mosquito flaps its wings in Tibet, they feel it in NYC. This concept sometimes is a bit of an extreme to really wrap your mind around... but consider this...
If you are having a crappy day and don't harness or process your thoughts properly... the energy you release outwardly... isn't going to be stellar... ergo, it sets off a Domino effect.... you flip someone the bird, frown, pout, etc... and this sets off into motion a chain reaction.. Whereas, if you patiently... assess your situation, calmly figure stuff out... and try to work through your stuff.. and put your best foot forward... smile... put out positive energy... do nice things.... this too sets off a chain reaction... but of positivity. ...and in the age of the internet... and how closely we *are* all connected now as a global community... It's not such a far fetched idea to consider that your mood could really alter the state of someone across the planet... I mean, how many of us have a friend or 5 living abroad? Or a business associate?
I know I have covered this before... but it's truly something to try to keep at daily... It's not an easy task... It's not a concept to think about.. nod, and say... "Yeah, that's a good idea", and then venture out into the world... and all hell breaks loose... ... it's something I feel we really must be diligent with on a daily basis. Gentle reminders ...
I'm not sitting here on my Lotus petals either, stating that I'm at a zenful, peaceful place, and do the aforementioned without fail.... Sure, I get grumpy, cranky, & moody..... I am human.... What I do try to remember... is that these actions do affect others greatly, and that this mood will affect the other people I care about, and potentially even the people whom I haven't even met before in my life.
This isn't to say, let someone treat you unfairly or poorly... this is where boundaries come in, as mentioned in my previous post (re: Feral Creatures) - but being more open and calm, at least extinguishes a potentially heated situation.... It also helps make clearer and more rational decisions moving forward..
It's a hectic world ... but remaining calm, mindful & positive at least gives us a leg up on trying to see some order in all the chaos out there.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Fencing the Feral Creatures of your life...
Emotions - we all have em...
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Love thyself... Love thy thighs?
I always thought since that I *finally* became comfy in my own skin at the age of 30, that wonderful turning point would have been it. Case closed. Done and done.
I struggled and struggled for YEARS - a lifetime with body image, how I measured up, obsessing about my weight mostly...
It's no secret if you've met me... I've always been a "curvy" gal.. I have never been in the waif category... nor will I probably be ever... for years.. this bothered me. It did. Truly.
I longed to be rail thin.. something I wasn't. I wanted my hip bones to jut out and protrude out of my skin... (I also wanted to be taller, but I really had NO hope of EVER obtaining this dream - so I quickly just let that one go).
Something happened however, as I came closer to the age of 30... My thoughts began to shift... I read more and more books on acceptance, and hung out with more women who loved themselves... "as is" ... Women all shapes and sizes... Celebrating themselves...
I eventually came into contact with an amazing group of ladies known as Sweet Soul Burlesque: http://www.sweetsoulburlesque.ca/
If you haven't had the pleasure... please do check them out. They kick some major ass.
The woman that I really admired 100% was Crystal Precious... OMFG! This gal *was* SASSY! ...and.. and.. HOT! ... and.. and... NOT a size effin 0! (Please note - I love all you naturally beautiful size 0 ladies... no offense)
I could like this gal. Shit... I could LOVE THIS WOMAN!
As timed marched on, I watched Crystal perform and own that stage like few have...
She had them begging for more...
Men, Women... it really didn't matter... They loved her!
...and really... if you've ever had the pleasure of watching Mz. Precious perform.. it's really no mystery what the appeal is...
Naturally, this led me to ask myself the obvious question... what the hell was my issue? If I could admire others celebrating their body... why couldn't I?
What made me different?
Ohhh we *are* our own worst critics aren't we? *sigh*
Around my 30th birthday I had a mini-conversation with myself that basically went something like this:
"Look sweetie, you just aren't Christy Turlington http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christy_Turlington.. and well, you can either go through life being completely miserable about that fact with a scowl on your face (read: NOT ATTRACTIVE), OR.. you can suck it up and be the best damn you with a freakin' smile on your face, and glow"
That seemed to work for quite awhile actually...
Yet, here I sit almost 4 years later... far away from the Sass... and being 30.. and those damn lingering thoughts come back...
...and before you dare start sending me recipes... I eat quite healthy thank you very much... and no, I don't want your "super amazing exercise regime" that helped you lose those pesky 15lbs. Thank you though! xo
I'm an advocate of loving your body/self "as is" ... right here... right now... in this moment...
I suppose like happiness, self acceptance requires work... it's not something you just roll out of bed, fresh as a daisy, and are like.. "Wow, that's easy! Look at me go!"
It's something that we need to remind ourselves.. that we are bombarded daily with media and advertising, and there is generally a tiny man behind the curtain peddling this notion of us gals not measuring up, just to sell some wares of "this new diet fad, or this new damn pill.... here take this... "
....and while we're on the subject of diet pills... Am I the ONLY one who thinks the instructions for these things are RIDICULOUS?!
"Take 3-5 horse pills with 1-2 large glasses of water followed by 3 healthy meals a day and exercise regularly and you too shall see wonderful results...!" ...Um... pardon me for being cynical... but... you could have saved yourself the horse pills... and just drank the water, ate the meals... and did the exercise bit... and um... hey, guess what? ACHIEVED THE SAME RESULTS!!!
...and there's of course that 20 year old self in my head that is smirking away thinking... 'I just downed 3-5 horse pills and didn't even SEE a magical glittery pink horse galloping around?? Pffffft... no thanks!'
All old debauchery aside... I digress...
I suppose I will just have to be more diligent with my gentle reminding of myself that curves do indeed kick some major ass ... and hey, as any woman in a corset proves.. they can even be downright sexy!
I struggled and struggled for YEARS - a lifetime with body image, how I measured up, obsessing about my weight mostly...
It's no secret if you've met me... I've always been a "curvy" gal.. I have never been in the waif category... nor will I probably be ever... for years.. this bothered me. It did. Truly.
I longed to be rail thin.. something I wasn't. I wanted my hip bones to jut out and protrude out of my skin... (I also wanted to be taller, but I really had NO hope of EVER obtaining this dream - so I quickly just let that one go).
Something happened however, as I came closer to the age of 30... My thoughts began to shift... I read more and more books on acceptance, and hung out with more women who loved themselves... "as is" ... Women all shapes and sizes... Celebrating themselves...
I eventually came into contact with an amazing group of ladies known as Sweet Soul Burlesque: http://www.sweetsoulburlesque.ca/
If you haven't had the pleasure... please do check them out. They kick some major ass.
The woman that I really admired 100% was Crystal Precious... OMFG! This gal *was* SASSY! ...and.. and.. HOT! ... and.. and... NOT a size effin 0! (Please note - I love all you naturally beautiful size 0 ladies... no offense)
I could like this gal. Shit... I could LOVE THIS WOMAN!
As timed marched on, I watched Crystal perform and own that stage like few have...
She had them begging for more...
Men, Women... it really didn't matter... They loved her!
...and really... if you've ever had the pleasure of watching Mz. Precious perform.. it's really no mystery what the appeal is...
Naturally, this led me to ask myself the obvious question... what the hell was my issue? If I could admire others celebrating their body... why couldn't I?
What made me different?
Ohhh we *are* our own worst critics aren't we? *sigh*
Around my 30th birthday I had a mini-conversation with myself that basically went something like this:
"Look sweetie, you just aren't Christy Turlington http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christy_Turlington.. and well, you can either go through life being completely miserable about that fact with a scowl on your face (read: NOT ATTRACTIVE), OR.. you can suck it up and be the best damn you with a freakin' smile on your face, and glow"
That seemed to work for quite awhile actually...
Yet, here I sit almost 4 years later... far away from the Sass... and being 30.. and those damn lingering thoughts come back...
...and before you dare start sending me recipes... I eat quite healthy thank you very much... and no, I don't want your "super amazing exercise regime" that helped you lose those pesky 15lbs. Thank you though! xo
I'm an advocate of loving your body/self "as is" ... right here... right now... in this moment...
I suppose like happiness, self acceptance requires work... it's not something you just roll out of bed, fresh as a daisy, and are like.. "Wow, that's easy! Look at me go!"
It's something that we need to remind ourselves.. that we are bombarded daily with media and advertising, and there is generally a tiny man behind the curtain peddling this notion of us gals not measuring up, just to sell some wares of "this new diet fad, or this new damn pill.... here take this... "
....and while we're on the subject of diet pills... Am I the ONLY one who thinks the instructions for these things are RIDICULOUS?!
"Take 3-5 horse pills with 1-2 large glasses of water followed by 3 healthy meals a day and exercise regularly and you too shall see wonderful results...!" ...Um... pardon me for being cynical... but... you could have saved yourself the horse pills... and just drank the water, ate the meals... and did the exercise bit... and um... hey, guess what? ACHIEVED THE SAME RESULTS!!!
...and there's of course that 20 year old self in my head that is smirking away thinking... 'I just downed 3-5 horse pills and didn't even SEE a magical glittery pink horse galloping around?? Pffffft... no thanks!'
All old debauchery aside... I digress...
I suppose I will just have to be more diligent with my gentle reminding of myself that curves do indeed kick some major ass ... and hey, as any woman in a corset proves.. they can even be downright sexy!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Love this quote..
Karma.. It's not about punishment. It's a wake up call to show the flow of life, and how ones choices effect others.
Read this today... and really resonated with it.
Far too many times, I hear people quote karma, and anxiously await someone who has done them wrong, and quote: "Oh, it's ok, karma will get them"... like karma is this evil revenge waiting to kick some spiritual ass... really give it to some poor unknowing sap, who has done someone, somewhere, wrong.
Wake up people... Nobody is perfect. Haven't you done someone wrong?? I know I have sadly... do I regret this? Well... regret... no. Do i feel extremely bad? Yes. Yes I do. But... I have learned valuable lessons... and sure, I have had my share of "karma" to deal with in my life.
But here's the thing... good and bad stuff happens in life... it's the way it goes.. no one is being singled out... and being struck down, in a fury of rage and hate, being punished for all their sins... well... at least I don't believe they are...
We're all bumping along together... trying to figure this out... living our lives... for the most part.. wanting to be happy, healthy... feeling loved, respected, and valued.
... and yeah, it feels shitty when you've been hurt, pissed on, or pissed off by someone... it does... truly... but is wishing them harm, or plotting evil karma on them helping or making things better? I don't believe it is. In fact, I believe its doing you an injustice, by perpetuating that negative energy.
Ok, I'm not saying we all live this la la land of happy-go-lucky YAY... zenned out bliss... there is balance in the world for good reason... but sometimes, learning to turn the other cheek, or letting things go is far healthier, and easier for the soul.
Bringing in positive energy helps balance your being...
Think whatever has been done is faaaaaaar too big to let go? Kick a pillow? Let that energy out somehow... paint, run, sculpt... god, i loved pounding the air bubbles out of clay when i was pissed off!!
There are far more constructive/creative ways to release energy than stewing in/ or plotting someone's karmic revenge...
We're all in this thing together... learning lessons.. at our own pace... some of us are new... just beginners... so is it really our fault if we make these mistakes?
Sometimes we have to learn the lessons before we can get to the next level...
I'm not saying it's not frustrating... indeed it can be!
...but anything worthwhile, is worth the effort.
Read this today... and really resonated with it.
Far too many times, I hear people quote karma, and anxiously await someone who has done them wrong, and quote: "Oh, it's ok, karma will get them"... like karma is this evil revenge waiting to kick some spiritual ass... really give it to some poor unknowing sap, who has done someone, somewhere, wrong.
Wake up people... Nobody is perfect. Haven't you done someone wrong?? I know I have sadly... do I regret this? Well... regret... no. Do i feel extremely bad? Yes. Yes I do. But... I have learned valuable lessons... and sure, I have had my share of "karma" to deal with in my life.
But here's the thing... good and bad stuff happens in life... it's the way it goes.. no one is being singled out... and being struck down, in a fury of rage and hate, being punished for all their sins... well... at least I don't believe they are...
We're all bumping along together... trying to figure this out... living our lives... for the most part.. wanting to be happy, healthy... feeling loved, respected, and valued.
... and yeah, it feels shitty when you've been hurt, pissed on, or pissed off by someone... it does... truly... but is wishing them harm, or plotting evil karma on them helping or making things better? I don't believe it is. In fact, I believe its doing you an injustice, by perpetuating that negative energy.
Ok, I'm not saying we all live this la la land of happy-go-lucky YAY... zenned out bliss... there is balance in the world for good reason... but sometimes, learning to turn the other cheek, or letting things go is far healthier, and easier for the soul.
Bringing in positive energy helps balance your being...
Think whatever has been done is faaaaaaar too big to let go? Kick a pillow? Let that energy out somehow... paint, run, sculpt... god, i loved pounding the air bubbles out of clay when i was pissed off!!
There are far more constructive/creative ways to release energy than stewing in/ or plotting someone's karmic revenge...
We're all in this thing together... learning lessons.. at our own pace... some of us are new... just beginners... so is it really our fault if we make these mistakes?
Sometimes we have to learn the lessons before we can get to the next level...
I'm not saying it's not frustrating... indeed it can be!
...but anything worthwhile, is worth the effort.
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