Today, I will put my best foot forward.
Today, I will realize that everyone is also fighting some sort of internal battle.. and they don't necessarily share my point of view on life, or the world in general.
Today I will try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
These are things I now try to live by...
Not too long ago... I really didn't take notice to the world around me... I had blinders on... tunnel vision... It was my world, and the people in it, were more like "supporting cast" that came into the frame for mere moments... and then would fleet in and out of the picture... at different times..
My time leading up to my trip to Japan, my time there, and after I came back... my view on life changed drastically... I changed. ... and frankly... Thank the Universe for that!
I felt more in line with the belief that "we are all connected" ... and the thought process of - if a mosquito flaps its wings in Tibet, they feel it in NYC. This concept sometimes is a bit of an extreme to really wrap your mind around... but consider this...
If you are having a crappy day and don't harness or process your thoughts properly... the energy you release outwardly... isn't going to be stellar... ergo, it sets off a Domino effect.... you flip someone the bird, frown, pout, etc... and this sets off into motion a chain reaction.. Whereas, if you patiently... assess your situation, calmly figure stuff out... and try to work through your stuff.. and put your best foot forward... smile... put out positive energy... do nice things.... this too sets off a chain reaction... but of positivity. ...and in the age of the internet... and how closely we *are* all connected now as a global community... It's not such a far fetched idea to consider that your mood could really alter the state of someone across the planet... I mean, how many of us have a friend or 5 living abroad? Or a business associate?
I know I have covered this before... but it's truly something to try to keep at daily... It's not an easy task... It's not a concept to think about.. nod, and say... "Yeah, that's a good idea", and then venture out into the world... and all hell breaks loose... ... it's something I feel we really must be diligent with on a daily basis. Gentle reminders ...
I'm not sitting here on my Lotus petals either, stating that I'm at a zenful, peaceful place, and do the aforementioned without fail.... Sure, I get grumpy, cranky, & moody..... I am human.... What I do try to remember... is that these actions do affect others greatly, and that this mood will affect the other people I care about, and potentially even the people whom I haven't even met before in my life.
This isn't to say, let someone treat you unfairly or poorly... this is where boundaries come in, as mentioned in my previous post (re: Feral Creatures) - but being more open and calm, at least extinguishes a potentially heated situation.... It also helps make clearer and more rational decisions moving forward..
It's a hectic world ... but remaining calm, mindful & positive at least gives us a leg up on trying to see some order in all the chaos out there.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Fencing the Feral Creatures of your life...
Emotions - we all have em...
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Love thyself... Love thy thighs?
I always thought since that I *finally* became comfy in my own skin at the age of 30, that wonderful turning point would have been it. Case closed. Done and done.
I struggled and struggled for YEARS - a lifetime with body image, how I measured up, obsessing about my weight mostly...
It's no secret if you've met me... I've always been a "curvy" gal.. I have never been in the waif category... nor will I probably be ever... for years.. this bothered me. It did. Truly.
I longed to be rail thin.. something I wasn't. I wanted my hip bones to jut out and protrude out of my skin... (I also wanted to be taller, but I really had NO hope of EVER obtaining this dream - so I quickly just let that one go).
Something happened however, as I came closer to the age of 30... My thoughts began to shift... I read more and more books on acceptance, and hung out with more women who loved themselves... "as is" ... Women all shapes and sizes... Celebrating themselves...
I eventually came into contact with an amazing group of ladies known as Sweet Soul Burlesque: http://www.sweetsoulburlesque.ca/
If you haven't had the pleasure... please do check them out. They kick some major ass.
The woman that I really admired 100% was Crystal Precious... OMFG! This gal *was* SASSY! ...and.. and.. HOT! ... and.. and... NOT a size effin 0! (Please note - I love all you naturally beautiful size 0 ladies... no offense)
I could like this gal. Shit... I could LOVE THIS WOMAN!
As timed marched on, I watched Crystal perform and own that stage like few have...
She had them begging for more...
Men, Women... it really didn't matter... They loved her!
...and really... if you've ever had the pleasure of watching Mz. Precious perform.. it's really no mystery what the appeal is...
Naturally, this led me to ask myself the obvious question... what the hell was my issue? If I could admire others celebrating their body... why couldn't I?
What made me different?
Ohhh we *are* our own worst critics aren't we? *sigh*
Around my 30th birthday I had a mini-conversation with myself that basically went something like this:
"Look sweetie, you just aren't Christy Turlington http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christy_Turlington.. and well, you can either go through life being completely miserable about that fact with a scowl on your face (read: NOT ATTRACTIVE), OR.. you can suck it up and be the best damn you with a freakin' smile on your face, and glow"
That seemed to work for quite awhile actually...
Yet, here I sit almost 4 years later... far away from the Sass... and being 30.. and those damn lingering thoughts come back...
...and before you dare start sending me recipes... I eat quite healthy thank you very much... and no, I don't want your "super amazing exercise regime" that helped you lose those pesky 15lbs. Thank you though! xo
I'm an advocate of loving your body/self "as is" ... right here... right now... in this moment...
I suppose like happiness, self acceptance requires work... it's not something you just roll out of bed, fresh as a daisy, and are like.. "Wow, that's easy! Look at me go!"
It's something that we need to remind ourselves.. that we are bombarded daily with media and advertising, and there is generally a tiny man behind the curtain peddling this notion of us gals not measuring up, just to sell some wares of "this new diet fad, or this new damn pill.... here take this... "
....and while we're on the subject of diet pills... Am I the ONLY one who thinks the instructions for these things are RIDICULOUS?!
"Take 3-5 horse pills with 1-2 large glasses of water followed by 3 healthy meals a day and exercise regularly and you too shall see wonderful results...!" ...Um... pardon me for being cynical... but... you could have saved yourself the horse pills... and just drank the water, ate the meals... and did the exercise bit... and um... hey, guess what? ACHIEVED THE SAME RESULTS!!!
...and there's of course that 20 year old self in my head that is smirking away thinking... 'I just downed 3-5 horse pills and didn't even SEE a magical glittery pink horse galloping around?? Pffffft... no thanks!'
All old debauchery aside... I digress...
I suppose I will just have to be more diligent with my gentle reminding of myself that curves do indeed kick some major ass ... and hey, as any woman in a corset proves.. they can even be downright sexy!
I struggled and struggled for YEARS - a lifetime with body image, how I measured up, obsessing about my weight mostly...
It's no secret if you've met me... I've always been a "curvy" gal.. I have never been in the waif category... nor will I probably be ever... for years.. this bothered me. It did. Truly.
I longed to be rail thin.. something I wasn't. I wanted my hip bones to jut out and protrude out of my skin... (I also wanted to be taller, but I really had NO hope of EVER obtaining this dream - so I quickly just let that one go).
Something happened however, as I came closer to the age of 30... My thoughts began to shift... I read more and more books on acceptance, and hung out with more women who loved themselves... "as is" ... Women all shapes and sizes... Celebrating themselves...
I eventually came into contact with an amazing group of ladies known as Sweet Soul Burlesque: http://www.sweetsoulburlesque.ca/
If you haven't had the pleasure... please do check them out. They kick some major ass.
The woman that I really admired 100% was Crystal Precious... OMFG! This gal *was* SASSY! ...and.. and.. HOT! ... and.. and... NOT a size effin 0! (Please note - I love all you naturally beautiful size 0 ladies... no offense)
I could like this gal. Shit... I could LOVE THIS WOMAN!
As timed marched on, I watched Crystal perform and own that stage like few have...
She had them begging for more...
Men, Women... it really didn't matter... They loved her!
...and really... if you've ever had the pleasure of watching Mz. Precious perform.. it's really no mystery what the appeal is...
Naturally, this led me to ask myself the obvious question... what the hell was my issue? If I could admire others celebrating their body... why couldn't I?
What made me different?
Ohhh we *are* our own worst critics aren't we? *sigh*
Around my 30th birthday I had a mini-conversation with myself that basically went something like this:
"Look sweetie, you just aren't Christy Turlington http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christy_Turlington.. and well, you can either go through life being completely miserable about that fact with a scowl on your face (read: NOT ATTRACTIVE), OR.. you can suck it up and be the best damn you with a freakin' smile on your face, and glow"
That seemed to work for quite awhile actually...
Yet, here I sit almost 4 years later... far away from the Sass... and being 30.. and those damn lingering thoughts come back...
...and before you dare start sending me recipes... I eat quite healthy thank you very much... and no, I don't want your "super amazing exercise regime" that helped you lose those pesky 15lbs. Thank you though! xo
I'm an advocate of loving your body/self "as is" ... right here... right now... in this moment...
I suppose like happiness, self acceptance requires work... it's not something you just roll out of bed, fresh as a daisy, and are like.. "Wow, that's easy! Look at me go!"
It's something that we need to remind ourselves.. that we are bombarded daily with media and advertising, and there is generally a tiny man behind the curtain peddling this notion of us gals not measuring up, just to sell some wares of "this new diet fad, or this new damn pill.... here take this... "
....and while we're on the subject of diet pills... Am I the ONLY one who thinks the instructions for these things are RIDICULOUS?!
"Take 3-5 horse pills with 1-2 large glasses of water followed by 3 healthy meals a day and exercise regularly and you too shall see wonderful results...!" ...Um... pardon me for being cynical... but... you could have saved yourself the horse pills... and just drank the water, ate the meals... and did the exercise bit... and um... hey, guess what? ACHIEVED THE SAME RESULTS!!!
...and there's of course that 20 year old self in my head that is smirking away thinking... 'I just downed 3-5 horse pills and didn't even SEE a magical glittery pink horse galloping around?? Pffffft... no thanks!'
All old debauchery aside... I digress...
I suppose I will just have to be more diligent with my gentle reminding of myself that curves do indeed kick some major ass ... and hey, as any woman in a corset proves.. they can even be downright sexy!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Love this quote..
Karma.. It's not about punishment. It's a wake up call to show the flow of life, and how ones choices effect others.
Read this today... and really resonated with it.
Far too many times, I hear people quote karma, and anxiously await someone who has done them wrong, and quote: "Oh, it's ok, karma will get them"... like karma is this evil revenge waiting to kick some spiritual ass... really give it to some poor unknowing sap, who has done someone, somewhere, wrong.
Wake up people... Nobody is perfect. Haven't you done someone wrong?? I know I have sadly... do I regret this? Well... regret... no. Do i feel extremely bad? Yes. Yes I do. But... I have learned valuable lessons... and sure, I have had my share of "karma" to deal with in my life.
But here's the thing... good and bad stuff happens in life... it's the way it goes.. no one is being singled out... and being struck down, in a fury of rage and hate, being punished for all their sins... well... at least I don't believe they are...
We're all bumping along together... trying to figure this out... living our lives... for the most part.. wanting to be happy, healthy... feeling loved, respected, and valued.
... and yeah, it feels shitty when you've been hurt, pissed on, or pissed off by someone... it does... truly... but is wishing them harm, or plotting evil karma on them helping or making things better? I don't believe it is. In fact, I believe its doing you an injustice, by perpetuating that negative energy.
Ok, I'm not saying we all live this la la land of happy-go-lucky YAY... zenned out bliss... there is balance in the world for good reason... but sometimes, learning to turn the other cheek, or letting things go is far healthier, and easier for the soul.
Bringing in positive energy helps balance your being...
Think whatever has been done is faaaaaaar too big to let go? Kick a pillow? Let that energy out somehow... paint, run, sculpt... god, i loved pounding the air bubbles out of clay when i was pissed off!!
There are far more constructive/creative ways to release energy than stewing in/ or plotting someone's karmic revenge...
We're all in this thing together... learning lessons.. at our own pace... some of us are new... just beginners... so is it really our fault if we make these mistakes?
Sometimes we have to learn the lessons before we can get to the next level...
I'm not saying it's not frustrating... indeed it can be!
...but anything worthwhile, is worth the effort.
Read this today... and really resonated with it.
Far too many times, I hear people quote karma, and anxiously await someone who has done them wrong, and quote: "Oh, it's ok, karma will get them"... like karma is this evil revenge waiting to kick some spiritual ass... really give it to some poor unknowing sap, who has done someone, somewhere, wrong.
Wake up people... Nobody is perfect. Haven't you done someone wrong?? I know I have sadly... do I regret this? Well... regret... no. Do i feel extremely bad? Yes. Yes I do. But... I have learned valuable lessons... and sure, I have had my share of "karma" to deal with in my life.
But here's the thing... good and bad stuff happens in life... it's the way it goes.. no one is being singled out... and being struck down, in a fury of rage and hate, being punished for all their sins... well... at least I don't believe they are...
We're all bumping along together... trying to figure this out... living our lives... for the most part.. wanting to be happy, healthy... feeling loved, respected, and valued.
... and yeah, it feels shitty when you've been hurt, pissed on, or pissed off by someone... it does... truly... but is wishing them harm, or plotting evil karma on them helping or making things better? I don't believe it is. In fact, I believe its doing you an injustice, by perpetuating that negative energy.
Ok, I'm not saying we all live this la la land of happy-go-lucky YAY... zenned out bliss... there is balance in the world for good reason... but sometimes, learning to turn the other cheek, or letting things go is far healthier, and easier for the soul.
Bringing in positive energy helps balance your being...
Think whatever has been done is faaaaaaar too big to let go? Kick a pillow? Let that energy out somehow... paint, run, sculpt... god, i loved pounding the air bubbles out of clay when i was pissed off!!
There are far more constructive/creative ways to release energy than stewing in/ or plotting someone's karmic revenge...
We're all in this thing together... learning lessons.. at our own pace... some of us are new... just beginners... so is it really our fault if we make these mistakes?
Sometimes we have to learn the lessons before we can get to the next level...
I'm not saying it's not frustrating... indeed it can be!
...but anything worthwhile, is worth the effort.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Breathe... it's gonna be ok
Sometimes I get ahead of myself in my thinking...
Ok, I'm not special... I realize this.
I get myself all balled up though... I panic. I think about things like.. Wow, I've been off work from this accident for an awfully long time - these tests, and specialists sure are taking their time! Why does this have to be SUCH a process?!
Then my brain kicks into turbo mode, and it's off into panic highway...
What am I doing? Why is this taking so long?! How much longer will this take? What about when I want to get back into the work force? How will that look? What about my career? What about my bigger goals in life?
...and this inner monologue can continue to spiral for hours if I truly let it.
However, thankfully - by some small miracle... I don't.
There's a new tiny voice inside my head that whispers - breaaaaaaaaaaaathe.
It gently reminds me - It's gonna be ok...Things are happening for a reason.
I'm not entirely sure where this tiny voice came from, or even, how it's able to, for such a tiny voice, quiet down the rest of the mindless chatter that clings to panic highway so dearly... But... thankfully - the tiny voice prevails, and all the monkey chatter subsides, and the tiny ninja voice bows, and goes back to keeping harmony.
That's not to say, that this little voice doesn't have its work cut out for it... Oh... mama... it does...
I mean, i'd prefer to not have panic highway happen in my mind at all...
I'd prefer if tiny ninja voice didn't have to regularly kick some major ass, and just rule the roost generally...
...but for now... I'm grateful that it's at least there...picking up the pieces.
Ok, I'm not special... I realize this.
I get myself all balled up though... I panic. I think about things like.. Wow, I've been off work from this accident for an awfully long time - these tests, and specialists sure are taking their time! Why does this have to be SUCH a process?!
Then my brain kicks into turbo mode, and it's off into panic highway...
What am I doing? Why is this taking so long?! How much longer will this take? What about when I want to get back into the work force? How will that look? What about my career? What about my bigger goals in life?
...and this inner monologue can continue to spiral for hours if I truly let it.
However, thankfully - by some small miracle... I don't.
There's a new tiny voice inside my head that whispers - breaaaaaaaaaaaathe.
It gently reminds me - It's gonna be ok...Things are happening for a reason.
I'm not entirely sure where this tiny voice came from, or even, how it's able to, for such a tiny voice, quiet down the rest of the mindless chatter that clings to panic highway so dearly... But... thankfully - the tiny voice prevails, and all the monkey chatter subsides, and the tiny ninja voice bows, and goes back to keeping harmony.
That's not to say, that this little voice doesn't have its work cut out for it... Oh... mama... it does...
I mean, i'd prefer to not have panic highway happen in my mind at all...
I'd prefer if tiny ninja voice didn't have to regularly kick some major ass, and just rule the roost generally...
...but for now... I'm grateful that it's at least there...picking up the pieces.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Going back to basics
I have two books I have affectionately termed: "My bibles"
I call them such for good reason - I pretty much read them and follow them like most follow and read a bible. Religiously.
I read them over, mull over their lessons, meditate on what it has to teach me, reference them, cross reference them, pull them out during certain times in my life, etc -- I'm sure you get the idea.
Be it happy, angry, sad, whatever - these two books have seen me through.
So... As per usual... I am again, going through one of the books -
Currently I'm wading through the second book - I'm on Life Lesson #6 - A snippet - " Thoughts work like magnets. You attract what you think. Hence: Synchronicity exists. Nothing is random."
"Infinite Intelligence... what Einstein believed to be a humongous invisible thought ocean where all the answer you've ever tried to look for can be found."
Fantastic thought isn't it?
I need to remind myself lately, things are happening here for a reason - perhaps stepping back and understanding there is a larger picture at work here - it's not about the day to day things always - but a more larger scale project - lump of my entire life going on ... not just - here in this moment - sure it's the only thing we do have - however, if I create a more peaceful moment - with positive thoughts and outlook - perhaps the future will start to shape up in a more positive light.
The great thing is this - when I think about my future lately - I have the biggest urge to smile - I feel like I'm closer to more positive actions - more positive people in my life -
Sure it's a slower process than I imagined - Sure I didn't think I'd be in the city I am now for this long ... however - clearly I am for a reason --- clearly i still need to learn something - so I need to utilize my time as best I can - understand the messages, and not sit and think "Gee, this sucks that I'm stuck here" ...
Nope.
Instead I need to realize - "Hey, I'm here obviously to learn something... ok Universe... I'm listening... "
Perhaps the lesson won't fully be clear until after I go.. whenever that day is...
That's ok... for now, I'll just sit with myself and learn how to be a better me one day at a time.
I call them such for good reason - I pretty much read them and follow them like most follow and read a bible. Religiously.
I read them over, mull over their lessons, meditate on what it has to teach me, reference them, cross reference them, pull them out during certain times in my life, etc -- I'm sure you get the idea.
Be it happy, angry, sad, whatever - these two books have seen me through.
So... As per usual... I am again, going through one of the books -
Currently I'm wading through the second book - I'm on Life Lesson #6 - A snippet - " Thoughts work like magnets. You attract what you think. Hence: Synchronicity exists. Nothing is random."
"Infinite Intelligence... what Einstein believed to be a humongous invisible thought ocean where all the answer you've ever tried to look for can be found."
Fantastic thought isn't it?
I need to remind myself lately, things are happening here for a reason - perhaps stepping back and understanding there is a larger picture at work here - it's not about the day to day things always - but a more larger scale project - lump of my entire life going on ... not just - here in this moment - sure it's the only thing we do have - however, if I create a more peaceful moment - with positive thoughts and outlook - perhaps the future will start to shape up in a more positive light.
The great thing is this - when I think about my future lately - I have the biggest urge to smile - I feel like I'm closer to more positive actions - more positive people in my life -
Sure it's a slower process than I imagined - Sure I didn't think I'd be in the city I am now for this long ... however - clearly I am for a reason --- clearly i still need to learn something - so I need to utilize my time as best I can - understand the messages, and not sit and think "Gee, this sucks that I'm stuck here" ...
Nope.
Instead I need to realize - "Hey, I'm here obviously to learn something... ok Universe... I'm listening... "
Perhaps the lesson won't fully be clear until after I go.. whenever that day is...
That's ok... for now, I'll just sit with myself and learn how to be a better me one day at a time.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Spinning Plates
There are many things I have found interesting while not working/ recovering from my accident - One of the biggest things though, is sometimes I find myself busier than when I was employed.
Now that I'm feeling a bit better/more human, I have projects on the go, doctor's appointments, groceries, cleaning, walking my dog, exercise, physiotherapy, laundry, taking time for my friends... I mean... I have been lucky... I am doing things quite balanced these days... or well I try to...
Ok, I do have days where I do chat to my friends on msn/skype perhaps too long - while my breakfast dishes get piled into my dinner dishes, and my laundry stays in the dryer until the next day --- I am human after all.
One thing that has shocked me with my free time - is the lack of desire to finish my book. This seems like it would be the perfect time. What is stopping me? Why can't I bring myself to look at the damn thing? It really conjures up strong feelings inside of me. I look at the first draft, and just get almost angry when I think about sitting down to edit it.
I will take photographs, play with Adobe, have meetings regarding other projects, teach myself to play chess again, hell, even start new projects - but my book still sits out - taunting me.
I have kept it visible - and refuse to tuck it out of sight - again, I'm not sure why - I feel like there's a mini war going on inside my head about this damn book -
"Do it. No. Do it. NO! Why? I don't know. That's dumb. I know". *sigh*
Ever feel like you could compare your life to spinning plates?
Like... you get one going... then one falls off the pole... then you pick that one up, get it going, and another plate slows down...and you are just running back and forth, trying to get them all spinning... Madness.
Now that I'm feeling a bit better/more human, I have projects on the go, doctor's appointments, groceries, cleaning, walking my dog, exercise, physiotherapy, laundry, taking time for my friends... I mean... I have been lucky... I am doing things quite balanced these days... or well I try to...
Ok, I do have days where I do chat to my friends on msn/skype perhaps too long - while my breakfast dishes get piled into my dinner dishes, and my laundry stays in the dryer until the next day --- I am human after all.
One thing that has shocked me with my free time - is the lack of desire to finish my book. This seems like it would be the perfect time. What is stopping me? Why can't I bring myself to look at the damn thing? It really conjures up strong feelings inside of me. I look at the first draft, and just get almost angry when I think about sitting down to edit it.
I will take photographs, play with Adobe, have meetings regarding other projects, teach myself to play chess again, hell, even start new projects - but my book still sits out - taunting me.
I have kept it visible - and refuse to tuck it out of sight - again, I'm not sure why - I feel like there's a mini war going on inside my head about this damn book -
"Do it. No. Do it. NO! Why? I don't know. That's dumb. I know". *sigh*
Ever feel like you could compare your life to spinning plates?
Like... you get one going... then one falls off the pole... then you pick that one up, get it going, and another plate slows down...and you are just running back and forth, trying to get them all spinning... Madness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
