Probably long long overdue for an update...
But as I mentioned in my last post, I've been lining up some things in life... and suddenly my free time has gone from an abundance, to very little. In fact, I think this is the first night in a long time, I'm actually sitting down in front of my computer... with nothing super pressing to be done. *phew* Where to begin? First and foremost, I began the first tiny step on my journey (aka The Marathon) - for those of you who are out of the loop - I'm going back to school. This summer was the first pre-requisite course at Ryerson (I need 3) ... and the first time I actually stepped foot inside a classroom in just over a decade. I can't even express how shattered my nerves were the first day of class... But as my good friend assured me... once I stepped inside the classroom, all those nerves soon dissipated, and I was feeling pumped, and eager to learn. It was an "intensive" course, in that, I crammed a summer's worth of knowledge into 3 weeks (Mon-Thurs). After 3 weeks of living and breathing this course, I came out the other side quite pleased with my mark. (It should also be noted that this was my first University course ever). What I gleaned from the course, was a) I LOVE/ADORE University, and b) I really REALLY need practice on essay writing. Overall, I came out with an A+ and 4.33 GPA.
One down, 2 more to go... but not before I enroll in College (2 year diploma) that is yet another piece to a much larger picture... A picture that has me holding a degree, and getting ready to pursue a Masters. .....
However, let's not look ahead to the finish line yet. One down, and more ground work laid... I have moved to the city of the college I want to attend, I've started back to work (finally!) ... and am slowly getting into a groove with life... I also recently just interviewed for a volunteer position... so I should have some great experiences with that as well. (The volunteer position ties into my career path, so it's another piece to the puzzle).
Now onto the bigger chunk of puzzle... applying to college.
For some reason... I get more stressed out at figuring out school applications than say writing an exam. Go figure.
Outside of that, I joined a gym, but have yet to go... booo... (I'll cut myself some slack, only due to the fact that I was sick almost immediately after joining.... ) but I really need to get on that. ... and just riding life's up's and downs .... and taking them as they come.
I'm REALLY excited to start school again, and just wish I could fast forward to September already... but as I stated before... this is not really a sprinting exercise, so I shall pace myself... and keep taking things as they come....
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Signs...
Recently, things have been falling into place for me... I chose a direction in life, and have started to follow that... Sounds easy enough right? Well... erm... sure... if we decide not to get in our own way... or dare I say... the plan the Universe has for us..
I noticed this phenomena at first, when I applied for a position in Tokyo, Japan in 2006/2007... (on a whim I might add) ... Things in my life were a bit all over the place, and I really didn't feel a connection to much in my life as they were.. I had just come back from spending a month with my Mom who had been recovering from a stroke, and she was stable... my relationship was circling the drain, and my career at that time, was stagnant... I needed a change... Upon coming back I also learned that my apartment had been broken into just mere days before my return home... anything of value was gone, and all my things were turned upside down.
After many MANY months of pressure from friends I joined the all-too-popular social networking site, that we all know and love/hate; Facebook... and stumbled upon a long lost friend, who's network was Japan...
We caught up and I quickly learned that not only did one not need a full degree to teach in Japan if you were under a certain age and qualified, you could apply for a working holiday if you were under the age of 30.. My mind swam with this concept.. for a few reasons... 2007 marked my 30th year on the planet, and I had ALWAYS wanted to live abroad... of course, self doubt, and a million reasons of why this was an impossible task immediately flooded to the forefront of my mind... How could I pay for such a trip? Along with my stereo, etc, my birth certificate had been stolen when my apartment was broken into... I didn't even have a passport! (This was March of 2007)
By the first of April, I had an interview ... and two weeks later, I was told I was accepted, and the line I will never forget: "Welcome to Tokyo" ... I was ecstatic for about 15 minutes, then reality kicked into overdrive... and all those niggling thoughts came flooding back... and if I let it, I would have really potentially got in my own way... and ruined my chance to live abroad for good. Thankfully, I just kicked into some sort of overdrive, and wasn't letting anything stop me from experiencing this opportunity.
I quickly applied for my birth certificate, I stood in several hour long line ups for my passport, as my luck would have it, that was the same year that the American/Canadian border also decided we needed passports to cross into each other's countries.. *joy* I sometimes worked two jobs to fund this trip, and miraculously I was on a plane, with my apartment sublet, and someone taking care of my beloved dog, for a year... by the end of June... It all lined up. I put it out into the Universe, and it fell into place.... This isn't to say, that from the time I was accepted for the job in Tokyo from the time I boarded the plane was smooth sailing... Oh hell no...
I distinctly remember some of my friends asking me if I slept at all during that time... and my response always being the same: "I hear it's a long flight from Canada to Japan, I'll sleep on the plane". There were tears, there was sweat, more than a few of my friendships at times suffered... and felt the strain of me obtaining my goal...
But the true friends, always supported me, and knew how important this was to me, and understood if I was a bit hectic/nutty/bitchy/sleep deprived, during these months.
Now as I am about to embark on an even bigger undertaking which will no doubt take about 6-7 years of my life to obtain my goals, I am both excited and nervous... However, it's a familiar feeling... this feeling is almost parallel to my feelings of my preparation for Tokyo... mostly due to it being tangible I think... i.e. It's actually happening... and the Universe again, is lining up to help me along.. and I'm feeling it more and more each passing day. Which isn't to say, like Tokyo, that there aren't going to be road blocks to overcome, and it's not going to be challenging. This time, my goal is much larger, and instead of a sprint where I will reap the rewards in mere months, this is more like a long distance run... a marathon... I need to pace myself....
I think this is the part that makes me the most nervous... as I've always been a person who works well under pressure, thrives under it in fact... and can work with a really short dead line... ... heck, even as a kid, short distance sprints were my thing... Marathons were almost somewhat of an enigma to me... I have a deep respect for marathon runners, but always looked at them in almost awe like appreciation... but never in relation...
So as I embark on this new chapter in my life, I am doing my best to listen to the signs, and learning a new way to approach things... I know things are falling into place for a reason, and even a blind person could see all the signs pointing me in this direction... Now it's up to me, to not listen to the self-doubt, not get in my own way... and learn how to pace myself... one small step at a time.
I noticed this phenomena at first, when I applied for a position in Tokyo, Japan in 2006/2007... (on a whim I might add) ... Things in my life were a bit all over the place, and I really didn't feel a connection to much in my life as they were.. I had just come back from spending a month with my Mom who had been recovering from a stroke, and she was stable... my relationship was circling the drain, and my career at that time, was stagnant... I needed a change... Upon coming back I also learned that my apartment had been broken into just mere days before my return home... anything of value was gone, and all my things were turned upside down.
After many MANY months of pressure from friends I joined the all-too-popular social networking site, that we all know and love/hate; Facebook... and stumbled upon a long lost friend, who's network was Japan...
We caught up and I quickly learned that not only did one not need a full degree to teach in Japan if you were under a certain age and qualified, you could apply for a working holiday if you were under the age of 30.. My mind swam with this concept.. for a few reasons... 2007 marked my 30th year on the planet, and I had ALWAYS wanted to live abroad... of course, self doubt, and a million reasons of why this was an impossible task immediately flooded to the forefront of my mind... How could I pay for such a trip? Along with my stereo, etc, my birth certificate had been stolen when my apartment was broken into... I didn't even have a passport! (This was March of 2007)
By the first of April, I had an interview ... and two weeks later, I was told I was accepted, and the line I will never forget: "Welcome to Tokyo" ... I was ecstatic for about 15 minutes, then reality kicked into overdrive... and all those niggling thoughts came flooding back... and if I let it, I would have really potentially got in my own way... and ruined my chance to live abroad for good. Thankfully, I just kicked into some sort of overdrive, and wasn't letting anything stop me from experiencing this opportunity.
I quickly applied for my birth certificate, I stood in several hour long line ups for my passport, as my luck would have it, that was the same year that the American/Canadian border also decided we needed passports to cross into each other's countries.. *joy* I sometimes worked two jobs to fund this trip, and miraculously I was on a plane, with my apartment sublet, and someone taking care of my beloved dog, for a year... by the end of June... It all lined up. I put it out into the Universe, and it fell into place.... This isn't to say, that from the time I was accepted for the job in Tokyo from the time I boarded the plane was smooth sailing... Oh hell no...
I distinctly remember some of my friends asking me if I slept at all during that time... and my response always being the same: "I hear it's a long flight from Canada to Japan, I'll sleep on the plane". There were tears, there was sweat, more than a few of my friendships at times suffered... and felt the strain of me obtaining my goal...
But the true friends, always supported me, and knew how important this was to me, and understood if I was a bit hectic/nutty/bitchy/sleep deprived, during these months.
Now as I am about to embark on an even bigger undertaking which will no doubt take about 6-7 years of my life to obtain my goals, I am both excited and nervous... However, it's a familiar feeling... this feeling is almost parallel to my feelings of my preparation for Tokyo... mostly due to it being tangible I think... i.e. It's actually happening... and the Universe again, is lining up to help me along.. and I'm feeling it more and more each passing day. Which isn't to say, like Tokyo, that there aren't going to be road blocks to overcome, and it's not going to be challenging. This time, my goal is much larger, and instead of a sprint where I will reap the rewards in mere months, this is more like a long distance run... a marathon... I need to pace myself....
I think this is the part that makes me the most nervous... as I've always been a person who works well under pressure, thrives under it in fact... and can work with a really short dead line... ... heck, even as a kid, short distance sprints were my thing... Marathons were almost somewhat of an enigma to me... I have a deep respect for marathon runners, but always looked at them in almost awe like appreciation... but never in relation...
So as I embark on this new chapter in my life, I am doing my best to listen to the signs, and learning a new way to approach things... I know things are falling into place for a reason, and even a blind person could see all the signs pointing me in this direction... Now it's up to me, to not listen to the self-doubt, not get in my own way... and learn how to pace myself... one small step at a time.
Monday, April 4, 2011
That's just not me..
"You're just too stupid!"
"You're a complete moron!" "What are you.. an idiot?"
"Woah, you are faaaaaaaaaat!"
"You sure you want dessert? Aren't you on a diet?!"
"Wow, you really could stand to put on a few pounds eh? I can see your bones protruding!"
"What do you mean your jeans aren't designer?!"
"He's/She's just not that into you... "
Things like these can be shot of of people's mouths... and cut through us like arrows or knives... splitting us right through to the very core. Sometimes, some of these are slung as mere jokes... witty one liners meant as just playful banter... we may have even said them ourselves at times...
Most of us may have heard some of these things while growing up... and perhaps never let them go, as adults... so, they stay swirling and festering in our minds as adults.. and when something happens like failure.. be it, a loss of job, a flailing marriage/relationship, etc.. we retreat to the depths of our minds and can fall into the trap of replaying these horrible mind messages, over and over again... wearing ourselves and our esteem down in the process.
Here's where one of my favourite quotes comes in: ""No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
If we choose not to believe these messages, or even better, play better messages - Messages like:
I simply kick ass, I am awesome, I am smart, I am witty,.. etc... then the other messages won't hold as much power...
It's also up to us what we choose to believe about ourselves...
I gave my friend this example - If you know that you are a genius.. or absolutely brilliant... (have degrees, score ridiculously high marks in school, are part of Mensa, etc) if someone were to call you stupid... it probably wouldn't bother you too much... However, if you struggled with your weight (say you were grossly underweight for your height, and are very sensitive about this fact) If someone called you Twiggy, or made a rude comment about this... This would probably strike a nerve... Why? Because it's already something that you have at the forefront of your mind... and are already beating yourself up about... and ergo, probably allowing other people to as well.
So, perhaps the positive affirmations do sound akin to "Stuart Smalley" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuart_Smalley
However, I do believe it is an integral part of the path to happiness with ones self, and having good esteem.
Not to mention, when those not so great messages come flying at you, you can simply duck out of their way gracefully, and think to yourself... "That's just not me"... as you know you are more than just a sum of these fragmented parts of bad message streams that float around... and perhaps ... eventually those bad messages will once and for all take a hike for good in the space of your mind..
"You're a complete moron!" "What are you.. an idiot?"
"Woah, you are faaaaaaaaaat!"
"You sure you want dessert? Aren't you on a diet?!"
"Wow, you really could stand to put on a few pounds eh? I can see your bones protruding!"
"What do you mean your jeans aren't designer?!"
"He's/She's just not that into you... "
Things like these can be shot of of people's mouths... and cut through us like arrows or knives... splitting us right through to the very core. Sometimes, some of these are slung as mere jokes... witty one liners meant as just playful banter... we may have even said them ourselves at times...
Most of us may have heard some of these things while growing up... and perhaps never let them go, as adults... so, they stay swirling and festering in our minds as adults.. and when something happens like failure.. be it, a loss of job, a flailing marriage/relationship, etc.. we retreat to the depths of our minds and can fall into the trap of replaying these horrible mind messages, over and over again... wearing ourselves and our esteem down in the process.
Here's where one of my favourite quotes comes in: ""No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
If we choose not to believe these messages, or even better, play better messages - Messages like:
I simply kick ass, I am awesome, I am smart, I am witty,.. etc... then the other messages won't hold as much power...
It's also up to us what we choose to believe about ourselves...
I gave my friend this example - If you know that you are a genius.. or absolutely brilliant... (have degrees, score ridiculously high marks in school, are part of Mensa, etc) if someone were to call you stupid... it probably wouldn't bother you too much... However, if you struggled with your weight (say you were grossly underweight for your height, and are very sensitive about this fact) If someone called you Twiggy, or made a rude comment about this... This would probably strike a nerve... Why? Because it's already something that you have at the forefront of your mind... and are already beating yourself up about... and ergo, probably allowing other people to as well.
So, perhaps the positive affirmations do sound akin to "Stuart Smalley" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuart_Smalley
However, I do believe it is an integral part of the path to happiness with ones self, and having good esteem.
Not to mention, when those not so great messages come flying at you, you can simply duck out of their way gracefully, and think to yourself... "That's just not me"... as you know you are more than just a sum of these fragmented parts of bad message streams that float around... and perhaps ... eventually those bad messages will once and for all take a hike for good in the space of your mind..
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
All the world is a stage??
Today, I will put my best foot forward.
Today, I will realize that everyone is also fighting some sort of internal battle.. and they don't necessarily share my point of view on life, or the world in general.
Today I will try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
These are things I now try to live by...
Not too long ago... I really didn't take notice to the world around me... I had blinders on... tunnel vision... It was my world, and the people in it, were more like "supporting cast" that came into the frame for mere moments... and then would fleet in and out of the picture... at different times..
My time leading up to my trip to Japan, my time there, and after I came back... my view on life changed drastically... I changed. ... and frankly... Thank the Universe for that!
I felt more in line with the belief that "we are all connected" ... and the thought process of - if a mosquito flaps its wings in Tibet, they feel it in NYC. This concept sometimes is a bit of an extreme to really wrap your mind around... but consider this...
If you are having a crappy day and don't harness or process your thoughts properly... the energy you release outwardly... isn't going to be stellar... ergo, it sets off a Domino effect.... you flip someone the bird, frown, pout, etc... and this sets off into motion a chain reaction.. Whereas, if you patiently... assess your situation, calmly figure stuff out... and try to work through your stuff.. and put your best foot forward... smile... put out positive energy... do nice things.... this too sets off a chain reaction... but of positivity. ...and in the age of the internet... and how closely we *are* all connected now as a global community... It's not such a far fetched idea to consider that your mood could really alter the state of someone across the planet... I mean, how many of us have a friend or 5 living abroad? Or a business associate?
I know I have covered this before... but it's truly something to try to keep at daily... It's not an easy task... It's not a concept to think about.. nod, and say... "Yeah, that's a good idea", and then venture out into the world... and all hell breaks loose... ... it's something I feel we really must be diligent with on a daily basis. Gentle reminders ...
I'm not sitting here on my Lotus petals either, stating that I'm at a zenful, peaceful place, and do the aforementioned without fail.... Sure, I get grumpy, cranky, & moody..... I am human.... What I do try to remember... is that these actions do affect others greatly, and that this mood will affect the other people I care about, and potentially even the people whom I haven't even met before in my life.
This isn't to say, let someone treat you unfairly or poorly... this is where boundaries come in, as mentioned in my previous post (re: Feral Creatures) - but being more open and calm, at least extinguishes a potentially heated situation.... It also helps make clearer and more rational decisions moving forward..
It's a hectic world ... but remaining calm, mindful & positive at least gives us a leg up on trying to see some order in all the chaos out there.
Today, I will realize that everyone is also fighting some sort of internal battle.. and they don't necessarily share my point of view on life, or the world in general.
Today I will try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
These are things I now try to live by...
Not too long ago... I really didn't take notice to the world around me... I had blinders on... tunnel vision... It was my world, and the people in it, were more like "supporting cast" that came into the frame for mere moments... and then would fleet in and out of the picture... at different times..
My time leading up to my trip to Japan, my time there, and after I came back... my view on life changed drastically... I changed. ... and frankly... Thank the Universe for that!
I felt more in line with the belief that "we are all connected" ... and the thought process of - if a mosquito flaps its wings in Tibet, they feel it in NYC. This concept sometimes is a bit of an extreme to really wrap your mind around... but consider this...
If you are having a crappy day and don't harness or process your thoughts properly... the energy you release outwardly... isn't going to be stellar... ergo, it sets off a Domino effect.... you flip someone the bird, frown, pout, etc... and this sets off into motion a chain reaction.. Whereas, if you patiently... assess your situation, calmly figure stuff out... and try to work through your stuff.. and put your best foot forward... smile... put out positive energy... do nice things.... this too sets off a chain reaction... but of positivity. ...and in the age of the internet... and how closely we *are* all connected now as a global community... It's not such a far fetched idea to consider that your mood could really alter the state of someone across the planet... I mean, how many of us have a friend or 5 living abroad? Or a business associate?
I know I have covered this before... but it's truly something to try to keep at daily... It's not an easy task... It's not a concept to think about.. nod, and say... "Yeah, that's a good idea", and then venture out into the world... and all hell breaks loose... ... it's something I feel we really must be diligent with on a daily basis. Gentle reminders ...
I'm not sitting here on my Lotus petals either, stating that I'm at a zenful, peaceful place, and do the aforementioned without fail.... Sure, I get grumpy, cranky, & moody..... I am human.... What I do try to remember... is that these actions do affect others greatly, and that this mood will affect the other people I care about, and potentially even the people whom I haven't even met before in my life.
This isn't to say, let someone treat you unfairly or poorly... this is where boundaries come in, as mentioned in my previous post (re: Feral Creatures) - but being more open and calm, at least extinguishes a potentially heated situation.... It also helps make clearer and more rational decisions moving forward..
It's a hectic world ... but remaining calm, mindful & positive at least gives us a leg up on trying to see some order in all the chaos out there.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Fencing the Feral Creatures of your life...
Emotions - we all have em...
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Love thyself... Love thy thighs?
I always thought since that I *finally* became comfy in my own skin at the age of 30, that wonderful turning point would have been it. Case closed. Done and done.
I struggled and struggled for YEARS - a lifetime with body image, how I measured up, obsessing about my weight mostly...
It's no secret if you've met me... I've always been a "curvy" gal.. I have never been in the waif category... nor will I probably be ever... for years.. this bothered me. It did. Truly.
I longed to be rail thin.. something I wasn't. I wanted my hip bones to jut out and protrude out of my skin... (I also wanted to be taller, but I really had NO hope of EVER obtaining this dream - so I quickly just let that one go).
Something happened however, as I came closer to the age of 30... My thoughts began to shift... I read more and more books on acceptance, and hung out with more women who loved themselves... "as is" ... Women all shapes and sizes... Celebrating themselves...
I eventually came into contact with an amazing group of ladies known as Sweet Soul Burlesque: http://www.sweetsoulburlesque.ca/
If you haven't had the pleasure... please do check them out. They kick some major ass.
The woman that I really admired 100% was Crystal Precious... OMFG! This gal *was* SASSY! ...and.. and.. HOT! ... and.. and... NOT a size effin 0! (Please note - I love all you naturally beautiful size 0 ladies... no offense)
I could like this gal. Shit... I could LOVE THIS WOMAN!
As timed marched on, I watched Crystal perform and own that stage like few have...
She had them begging for more...
Men, Women... it really didn't matter... They loved her!
...and really... if you've ever had the pleasure of watching Mz. Precious perform.. it's really no mystery what the appeal is...
Naturally, this led me to ask myself the obvious question... what the hell was my issue? If I could admire others celebrating their body... why couldn't I?
What made me different?
Ohhh we *are* our own worst critics aren't we? *sigh*
Around my 30th birthday I had a mini-conversation with myself that basically went something like this:
"Look sweetie, you just aren't Christy Turlington http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christy_Turlington.. and well, you can either go through life being completely miserable about that fact with a scowl on your face (read: NOT ATTRACTIVE), OR.. you can suck it up and be the best damn you with a freakin' smile on your face, and glow"
That seemed to work for quite awhile actually...
Yet, here I sit almost 4 years later... far away from the Sass... and being 30.. and those damn lingering thoughts come back...
...and before you dare start sending me recipes... I eat quite healthy thank you very much... and no, I don't want your "super amazing exercise regime" that helped you lose those pesky 15lbs. Thank you though! xo
I'm an advocate of loving your body/self "as is" ... right here... right now... in this moment...
I suppose like happiness, self acceptance requires work... it's not something you just roll out of bed, fresh as a daisy, and are like.. "Wow, that's easy! Look at me go!"
It's something that we need to remind ourselves.. that we are bombarded daily with media and advertising, and there is generally a tiny man behind the curtain peddling this notion of us gals not measuring up, just to sell some wares of "this new diet fad, or this new damn pill.... here take this... "
....and while we're on the subject of diet pills... Am I the ONLY one who thinks the instructions for these things are RIDICULOUS?!
"Take 3-5 horse pills with 1-2 large glasses of water followed by 3 healthy meals a day and exercise regularly and you too shall see wonderful results...!" ...Um... pardon me for being cynical... but... you could have saved yourself the horse pills... and just drank the water, ate the meals... and did the exercise bit... and um... hey, guess what? ACHIEVED THE SAME RESULTS!!!
...and there's of course that 20 year old self in my head that is smirking away thinking... 'I just downed 3-5 horse pills and didn't even SEE a magical glittery pink horse galloping around?? Pffffft... no thanks!'
All old debauchery aside... I digress...
I suppose I will just have to be more diligent with my gentle reminding of myself that curves do indeed kick some major ass ... and hey, as any woman in a corset proves.. they can even be downright sexy!
I struggled and struggled for YEARS - a lifetime with body image, how I measured up, obsessing about my weight mostly...
It's no secret if you've met me... I've always been a "curvy" gal.. I have never been in the waif category... nor will I probably be ever... for years.. this bothered me. It did. Truly.
I longed to be rail thin.. something I wasn't. I wanted my hip bones to jut out and protrude out of my skin... (I also wanted to be taller, but I really had NO hope of EVER obtaining this dream - so I quickly just let that one go).
Something happened however, as I came closer to the age of 30... My thoughts began to shift... I read more and more books on acceptance, and hung out with more women who loved themselves... "as is" ... Women all shapes and sizes... Celebrating themselves...
I eventually came into contact with an amazing group of ladies known as Sweet Soul Burlesque: http://www.sweetsoulburlesque.ca/
If you haven't had the pleasure... please do check them out. They kick some major ass.
The woman that I really admired 100% was Crystal Precious... OMFG! This gal *was* SASSY! ...and.. and.. HOT! ... and.. and... NOT a size effin 0! (Please note - I love all you naturally beautiful size 0 ladies... no offense)
I could like this gal. Shit... I could LOVE THIS WOMAN!
As timed marched on, I watched Crystal perform and own that stage like few have...
She had them begging for more...
Men, Women... it really didn't matter... They loved her!
...and really... if you've ever had the pleasure of watching Mz. Precious perform.. it's really no mystery what the appeal is...
Naturally, this led me to ask myself the obvious question... what the hell was my issue? If I could admire others celebrating their body... why couldn't I?
What made me different?
Ohhh we *are* our own worst critics aren't we? *sigh*
Around my 30th birthday I had a mini-conversation with myself that basically went something like this:
"Look sweetie, you just aren't Christy Turlington http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christy_Turlington.. and well, you can either go through life being completely miserable about that fact with a scowl on your face (read: NOT ATTRACTIVE), OR.. you can suck it up and be the best damn you with a freakin' smile on your face, and glow"
That seemed to work for quite awhile actually...
Yet, here I sit almost 4 years later... far away from the Sass... and being 30.. and those damn lingering thoughts come back...
...and before you dare start sending me recipes... I eat quite healthy thank you very much... and no, I don't want your "super amazing exercise regime" that helped you lose those pesky 15lbs. Thank you though! xo
I'm an advocate of loving your body/self "as is" ... right here... right now... in this moment...
I suppose like happiness, self acceptance requires work... it's not something you just roll out of bed, fresh as a daisy, and are like.. "Wow, that's easy! Look at me go!"
It's something that we need to remind ourselves.. that we are bombarded daily with media and advertising, and there is generally a tiny man behind the curtain peddling this notion of us gals not measuring up, just to sell some wares of "this new diet fad, or this new damn pill.... here take this... "
....and while we're on the subject of diet pills... Am I the ONLY one who thinks the instructions for these things are RIDICULOUS?!
"Take 3-5 horse pills with 1-2 large glasses of water followed by 3 healthy meals a day and exercise regularly and you too shall see wonderful results...!" ...Um... pardon me for being cynical... but... you could have saved yourself the horse pills... and just drank the water, ate the meals... and did the exercise bit... and um... hey, guess what? ACHIEVED THE SAME RESULTS!!!
...and there's of course that 20 year old self in my head that is smirking away thinking... 'I just downed 3-5 horse pills and didn't even SEE a magical glittery pink horse galloping around?? Pffffft... no thanks!'
All old debauchery aside... I digress...
I suppose I will just have to be more diligent with my gentle reminding of myself that curves do indeed kick some major ass ... and hey, as any woman in a corset proves.. they can even be downright sexy!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Love this quote..
Karma.. It's not about punishment. It's a wake up call to show the flow of life, and how ones choices effect others.
Read this today... and really resonated with it.
Far too many times, I hear people quote karma, and anxiously await someone who has done them wrong, and quote: "Oh, it's ok, karma will get them"... like karma is this evil revenge waiting to kick some spiritual ass... really give it to some poor unknowing sap, who has done someone, somewhere, wrong.
Wake up people... Nobody is perfect. Haven't you done someone wrong?? I know I have sadly... do I regret this? Well... regret... no. Do i feel extremely bad? Yes. Yes I do. But... I have learned valuable lessons... and sure, I have had my share of "karma" to deal with in my life.
But here's the thing... good and bad stuff happens in life... it's the way it goes.. no one is being singled out... and being struck down, in a fury of rage and hate, being punished for all their sins... well... at least I don't believe they are...
We're all bumping along together... trying to figure this out... living our lives... for the most part.. wanting to be happy, healthy... feeling loved, respected, and valued.
... and yeah, it feels shitty when you've been hurt, pissed on, or pissed off by someone... it does... truly... but is wishing them harm, or plotting evil karma on them helping or making things better? I don't believe it is. In fact, I believe its doing you an injustice, by perpetuating that negative energy.
Ok, I'm not saying we all live this la la land of happy-go-lucky YAY... zenned out bliss... there is balance in the world for good reason... but sometimes, learning to turn the other cheek, or letting things go is far healthier, and easier for the soul.
Bringing in positive energy helps balance your being...
Think whatever has been done is faaaaaaar too big to let go? Kick a pillow? Let that energy out somehow... paint, run, sculpt... god, i loved pounding the air bubbles out of clay when i was pissed off!!
There are far more constructive/creative ways to release energy than stewing in/ or plotting someone's karmic revenge...
We're all in this thing together... learning lessons.. at our own pace... some of us are new... just beginners... so is it really our fault if we make these mistakes?
Sometimes we have to learn the lessons before we can get to the next level...
I'm not saying it's not frustrating... indeed it can be!
...but anything worthwhile, is worth the effort.
Read this today... and really resonated with it.
Far too many times, I hear people quote karma, and anxiously await someone who has done them wrong, and quote: "Oh, it's ok, karma will get them"... like karma is this evil revenge waiting to kick some spiritual ass... really give it to some poor unknowing sap, who has done someone, somewhere, wrong.
Wake up people... Nobody is perfect. Haven't you done someone wrong?? I know I have sadly... do I regret this? Well... regret... no. Do i feel extremely bad? Yes. Yes I do. But... I have learned valuable lessons... and sure, I have had my share of "karma" to deal with in my life.
But here's the thing... good and bad stuff happens in life... it's the way it goes.. no one is being singled out... and being struck down, in a fury of rage and hate, being punished for all their sins... well... at least I don't believe they are...
We're all bumping along together... trying to figure this out... living our lives... for the most part.. wanting to be happy, healthy... feeling loved, respected, and valued.
... and yeah, it feels shitty when you've been hurt, pissed on, or pissed off by someone... it does... truly... but is wishing them harm, or plotting evil karma on them helping or making things better? I don't believe it is. In fact, I believe its doing you an injustice, by perpetuating that negative energy.
Ok, I'm not saying we all live this la la land of happy-go-lucky YAY... zenned out bliss... there is balance in the world for good reason... but sometimes, learning to turn the other cheek, or letting things go is far healthier, and easier for the soul.
Bringing in positive energy helps balance your being...
Think whatever has been done is faaaaaaar too big to let go? Kick a pillow? Let that energy out somehow... paint, run, sculpt... god, i loved pounding the air bubbles out of clay when i was pissed off!!
There are far more constructive/creative ways to release energy than stewing in/ or plotting someone's karmic revenge...
We're all in this thing together... learning lessons.. at our own pace... some of us are new... just beginners... so is it really our fault if we make these mistakes?
Sometimes we have to learn the lessons before we can get to the next level...
I'm not saying it's not frustrating... indeed it can be!
...but anything worthwhile, is worth the effort.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Breathe... it's gonna be ok
Sometimes I get ahead of myself in my thinking...
Ok, I'm not special... I realize this.
I get myself all balled up though... I panic. I think about things like.. Wow, I've been off work from this accident for an awfully long time - these tests, and specialists sure are taking their time! Why does this have to be SUCH a process?!
Then my brain kicks into turbo mode, and it's off into panic highway...
What am I doing? Why is this taking so long?! How much longer will this take? What about when I want to get back into the work force? How will that look? What about my career? What about my bigger goals in life?
...and this inner monologue can continue to spiral for hours if I truly let it.
However, thankfully - by some small miracle... I don't.
There's a new tiny voice inside my head that whispers - breaaaaaaaaaaaathe.
It gently reminds me - It's gonna be ok...Things are happening for a reason.
I'm not entirely sure where this tiny voice came from, or even, how it's able to, for such a tiny voice, quiet down the rest of the mindless chatter that clings to panic highway so dearly... But... thankfully - the tiny voice prevails, and all the monkey chatter subsides, and the tiny ninja voice bows, and goes back to keeping harmony.
That's not to say, that this little voice doesn't have its work cut out for it... Oh... mama... it does...
I mean, i'd prefer to not have panic highway happen in my mind at all...
I'd prefer if tiny ninja voice didn't have to regularly kick some major ass, and just rule the roost generally...
...but for now... I'm grateful that it's at least there...picking up the pieces.
Ok, I'm not special... I realize this.
I get myself all balled up though... I panic. I think about things like.. Wow, I've been off work from this accident for an awfully long time - these tests, and specialists sure are taking their time! Why does this have to be SUCH a process?!
Then my brain kicks into turbo mode, and it's off into panic highway...
What am I doing? Why is this taking so long?! How much longer will this take? What about when I want to get back into the work force? How will that look? What about my career? What about my bigger goals in life?
...and this inner monologue can continue to spiral for hours if I truly let it.
However, thankfully - by some small miracle... I don't.
There's a new tiny voice inside my head that whispers - breaaaaaaaaaaaathe.
It gently reminds me - It's gonna be ok...Things are happening for a reason.
I'm not entirely sure where this tiny voice came from, or even, how it's able to, for such a tiny voice, quiet down the rest of the mindless chatter that clings to panic highway so dearly... But... thankfully - the tiny voice prevails, and all the monkey chatter subsides, and the tiny ninja voice bows, and goes back to keeping harmony.
That's not to say, that this little voice doesn't have its work cut out for it... Oh... mama... it does...
I mean, i'd prefer to not have panic highway happen in my mind at all...
I'd prefer if tiny ninja voice didn't have to regularly kick some major ass, and just rule the roost generally...
...but for now... I'm grateful that it's at least there...picking up the pieces.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Going back to basics
I have two books I have affectionately termed: "My bibles"
I call them such for good reason - I pretty much read them and follow them like most follow and read a bible. Religiously.
I read them over, mull over their lessons, meditate on what it has to teach me, reference them, cross reference them, pull them out during certain times in my life, etc -- I'm sure you get the idea.
Be it happy, angry, sad, whatever - these two books have seen me through.
So... As per usual... I am again, going through one of the books -
Currently I'm wading through the second book - I'm on Life Lesson #6 - A snippet - " Thoughts work like magnets. You attract what you think. Hence: Synchronicity exists. Nothing is random."
"Infinite Intelligence... what Einstein believed to be a humongous invisible thought ocean where all the answer you've ever tried to look for can be found."
Fantastic thought isn't it?
I need to remind myself lately, things are happening here for a reason - perhaps stepping back and understanding there is a larger picture at work here - it's not about the day to day things always - but a more larger scale project - lump of my entire life going on ... not just - here in this moment - sure it's the only thing we do have - however, if I create a more peaceful moment - with positive thoughts and outlook - perhaps the future will start to shape up in a more positive light.
The great thing is this - when I think about my future lately - I have the biggest urge to smile - I feel like I'm closer to more positive actions - more positive people in my life -
Sure it's a slower process than I imagined - Sure I didn't think I'd be in the city I am now for this long ... however - clearly I am for a reason --- clearly i still need to learn something - so I need to utilize my time as best I can - understand the messages, and not sit and think "Gee, this sucks that I'm stuck here" ...
Nope.
Instead I need to realize - "Hey, I'm here obviously to learn something... ok Universe... I'm listening... "
Perhaps the lesson won't fully be clear until after I go.. whenever that day is...
That's ok... for now, I'll just sit with myself and learn how to be a better me one day at a time.
I call them such for good reason - I pretty much read them and follow them like most follow and read a bible. Religiously.
I read them over, mull over their lessons, meditate on what it has to teach me, reference them, cross reference them, pull them out during certain times in my life, etc -- I'm sure you get the idea.
Be it happy, angry, sad, whatever - these two books have seen me through.
So... As per usual... I am again, going through one of the books -
Currently I'm wading through the second book - I'm on Life Lesson #6 - A snippet - " Thoughts work like magnets. You attract what you think. Hence: Synchronicity exists. Nothing is random."
"Infinite Intelligence... what Einstein believed to be a humongous invisible thought ocean where all the answer you've ever tried to look for can be found."
Fantastic thought isn't it?
I need to remind myself lately, things are happening here for a reason - perhaps stepping back and understanding there is a larger picture at work here - it's not about the day to day things always - but a more larger scale project - lump of my entire life going on ... not just - here in this moment - sure it's the only thing we do have - however, if I create a more peaceful moment - with positive thoughts and outlook - perhaps the future will start to shape up in a more positive light.
The great thing is this - when I think about my future lately - I have the biggest urge to smile - I feel like I'm closer to more positive actions - more positive people in my life -
Sure it's a slower process than I imagined - Sure I didn't think I'd be in the city I am now for this long ... however - clearly I am for a reason --- clearly i still need to learn something - so I need to utilize my time as best I can - understand the messages, and not sit and think "Gee, this sucks that I'm stuck here" ...
Nope.
Instead I need to realize - "Hey, I'm here obviously to learn something... ok Universe... I'm listening... "
Perhaps the lesson won't fully be clear until after I go.. whenever that day is...
That's ok... for now, I'll just sit with myself and learn how to be a better me one day at a time.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Spinning Plates
There are many things I have found interesting while not working/ recovering from my accident - One of the biggest things though, is sometimes I find myself busier than when I was employed.
Now that I'm feeling a bit better/more human, I have projects on the go, doctor's appointments, groceries, cleaning, walking my dog, exercise, physiotherapy, laundry, taking time for my friends... I mean... I have been lucky... I am doing things quite balanced these days... or well I try to...
Ok, I do have days where I do chat to my friends on msn/skype perhaps too long - while my breakfast dishes get piled into my dinner dishes, and my laundry stays in the dryer until the next day --- I am human after all.
One thing that has shocked me with my free time - is the lack of desire to finish my book. This seems like it would be the perfect time. What is stopping me? Why can't I bring myself to look at the damn thing? It really conjures up strong feelings inside of me. I look at the first draft, and just get almost angry when I think about sitting down to edit it.
I will take photographs, play with Adobe, have meetings regarding other projects, teach myself to play chess again, hell, even start new projects - but my book still sits out - taunting me.
I have kept it visible - and refuse to tuck it out of sight - again, I'm not sure why - I feel like there's a mini war going on inside my head about this damn book -
"Do it. No. Do it. NO! Why? I don't know. That's dumb. I know". *sigh*
Ever feel like you could compare your life to spinning plates?
Like... you get one going... then one falls off the pole... then you pick that one up, get it going, and another plate slows down...and you are just running back and forth, trying to get them all spinning... Madness.
Now that I'm feeling a bit better/more human, I have projects on the go, doctor's appointments, groceries, cleaning, walking my dog, exercise, physiotherapy, laundry, taking time for my friends... I mean... I have been lucky... I am doing things quite balanced these days... or well I try to...
Ok, I do have days where I do chat to my friends on msn/skype perhaps too long - while my breakfast dishes get piled into my dinner dishes, and my laundry stays in the dryer until the next day --- I am human after all.
One thing that has shocked me with my free time - is the lack of desire to finish my book. This seems like it would be the perfect time. What is stopping me? Why can't I bring myself to look at the damn thing? It really conjures up strong feelings inside of me. I look at the first draft, and just get almost angry when I think about sitting down to edit it.
I will take photographs, play with Adobe, have meetings regarding other projects, teach myself to play chess again, hell, even start new projects - but my book still sits out - taunting me.
I have kept it visible - and refuse to tuck it out of sight - again, I'm not sure why - I feel like there's a mini war going on inside my head about this damn book -
"Do it. No. Do it. NO! Why? I don't know. That's dumb. I know". *sigh*
Ever feel like you could compare your life to spinning plates?
Like... you get one going... then one falls off the pole... then you pick that one up, get it going, and another plate slows down...and you are just running back and forth, trying to get them all spinning... Madness.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Big gay rainbow in the sky... literally
Earlier this week a good friend/ex g/f of sorts.. passed away...
She was 31.
All week I have been reeling from this news... It's like everything suddenly stopped and was in slow motion... nothing made sense. How could this be?!
Today I rented a car, so I can make the trip to her wake & funeral in the upcoming days ahead... Since I felt the next two days are going to be quite heavy and sombre, I decided to dedicate my day to driving around, spending time with friends, and finding things that made me smile - even if for a moment.
I touched base with a friend from elementary school.. a friend who, I know has also had her share of major loss recently (both her best friend and her father have recently passed) - so, she seemed like the perfect person, to have by my side, as we could both use some lighter days.
This trip was also a sort of dry-run at driving to Toronto - as I haven't really driven since all my health/concussion/seizure/issues.
On our way back home, a giant bright shiny rainbow glimmered in the sky... I pointed it out, and said.. 'there's a big gay in the sky' .. and smiled warmly as I thought about my friend...
Then, without thinking I said "Hi Lizzy" .. and kissed my hand and reached up towards the sky..
As we approached the Burlington Skyway it began to rain quite a bit, yet it was still bright - and the oddest thing happened... There in front of the car... was the rainbow.. I motioned to my friend, and said "Look, it's almost as if it's guiding us" .. and then without thinking said: "Guide us home Lizzy!"
The rainbow kept up the entire skyway, yet as we came off the bridge, it faded, and the rain really began to pour down. At one point, I could barely see in front of us...
Again, before I knew it I said "Hey, Lizzy, do you think you could ease up on the rain though please?" ... and so help me.. 1-2 minutes later.. The rain completely stopped. As in - nothing. No sprinkles, no spitting. Nothing.
My friend and I just sat there in silence for a moment.. till finally I managed to articulate my thoughts - "ummm... did that just happen???"
My friend nodded, and said "you know.. if I hadn't of been sitting here, I wouldn't have believed it myself..."
Perhaps this was all just a series of really odd coincidences.
Perhaps...
Whatever it was.. it gave me goosebumps... and a little bit of peace about a dear friend/lover... she will be missed dearly.. but never forgotten... nor will that moment on the Skyway.
She was 31.
All week I have been reeling from this news... It's like everything suddenly stopped and was in slow motion... nothing made sense. How could this be?!
Today I rented a car, so I can make the trip to her wake & funeral in the upcoming days ahead... Since I felt the next two days are going to be quite heavy and sombre, I decided to dedicate my day to driving around, spending time with friends, and finding things that made me smile - even if for a moment.
I touched base with a friend from elementary school.. a friend who, I know has also had her share of major loss recently (both her best friend and her father have recently passed) - so, she seemed like the perfect person, to have by my side, as we could both use some lighter days.
This trip was also a sort of dry-run at driving to Toronto - as I haven't really driven since all my health/concussion/seizure/issues.
On our way back home, a giant bright shiny rainbow glimmered in the sky... I pointed it out, and said.. 'there's a big gay in the sky' .. and smiled warmly as I thought about my friend...
Then, without thinking I said "Hi Lizzy" .. and kissed my hand and reached up towards the sky..
As we approached the Burlington Skyway it began to rain quite a bit, yet it was still bright - and the oddest thing happened... There in front of the car... was the rainbow.. I motioned to my friend, and said "Look, it's almost as if it's guiding us" .. and then without thinking said: "Guide us home Lizzy!"
The rainbow kept up the entire skyway, yet as we came off the bridge, it faded, and the rain really began to pour down. At one point, I could barely see in front of us...
Again, before I knew it I said "Hey, Lizzy, do you think you could ease up on the rain though please?" ... and so help me.. 1-2 minutes later.. The rain completely stopped. As in - nothing. No sprinkles, no spitting. Nothing.
My friend and I just sat there in silence for a moment.. till finally I managed to articulate my thoughts - "ummm... did that just happen???"
My friend nodded, and said "you know.. if I hadn't of been sitting here, I wouldn't have believed it myself..."
Perhaps this was all just a series of really odd coincidences.
Perhaps...
Whatever it was.. it gave me goosebumps... and a little bit of peace about a dear friend/lover... she will be missed dearly.. but never forgotten... nor will that moment on the Skyway.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
If he was in your life, you wouldn't like him very much
Lately, I've been having a lot of conversations about existential crisis, state of ennui, and really, what the heck does it all mean?
More and more people around me seem to be grasping at their place in the world, and even if they have a career, the successful relationship, they are still trying to figure out where they belong, or what they are doing in this world.
A friend asked me today if I've ever seen the movie Fear and Loathing.
I confirmed I had, and we began a brief discussion about Hunter S. Thompson.
I quickly did a search for him, to see what I could find out about him, since I realized my knowledge of the man was lacking.
I posed the question to my friend: "can you imagine having this as part of your biography?"
"He was also known for his use of psychedelics, alcohol, firearms, and his iconoclastic contempt for authoritarianism."
The aforementioned was taken from Wikipedia re: Hunter S. Thompson.
Now, let's think about this.
Here we have a movie - Fear and Loathing - people love this movie -
People loved Hunter S. Thompson - they love reading about him, they love watching movies about him - but the reality is - if you had a friend like this in your life, you probably would be less than impressed with their actions.
...I kept this entry as a draft until today... the first draft was in May...
I'm finally coming back to it in the last week of July..
It feels fitting, as I was watching a bunch of P!nk videos today, and felt the same sort of feelings towards her... she's sexy, amazing - doesn't appear to give a shit what you think of her.
Sometimes I long for this state of mind. Other times, I feel its the exact opposite of what I'm striving for... in that... I do care what impact I make on the world. I want to create a better space for others. I want to tread lighter, do less harm, and not offend others. Sure, you can't please everyone... that's not my intention... but I do want to move more peacefully on this planet. Perhaps that might sound a little euphoric and Utopian... but I like to think of it as more centered and zen.
I try to think about my actions before I do something now. I try to be more thoughtful in my actions, and learn from my mistakes... I want deeper connections with the people that matter, and of course, I want to see the world with that one person by my side eventually, in wide-eyed wonder.
I really don't care about a shiny car, a big house, a white-picket fence, mortgages, how many sq ft' of land I can acquire, or how many labels hang in my wardrobe. What gets me dreaming, is... how many stamps I can cram into my passport, how many km will the wheels on my suitcase clock, and how many times will the shutter on my camera snap?
How many different languages will these two ears hear? How many different ways will I learn how to say "I love you" so I when I have that special person by my side... I can whisper it into her ear, in many different languages...
My Mom always asked me "What are you running from?" ... Well, for the first time, I can honestly say, I can answer her.
"I'm not running. I'm exploring a world of possibilities, and wonder".
After all.
All that wander are not lost.
More and more people around me seem to be grasping at their place in the world, and even if they have a career, the successful relationship, they are still trying to figure out where they belong, or what they are doing in this world.
A friend asked me today if I've ever seen the movie Fear and Loathing.
I confirmed I had, and we began a brief discussion about Hunter S. Thompson.
I quickly did a search for him, to see what I could find out about him, since I realized my knowledge of the man was lacking.
I posed the question to my friend: "can you imagine having this as part of your biography?"
"He was also known for his use of psychedelics, alcohol, firearms, and his iconoclastic contempt for authoritarianism."
The aforementioned was taken from Wikipedia re: Hunter S. Thompson.
Now, let's think about this.
Here we have a movie - Fear and Loathing - people love this movie -
People loved Hunter S. Thompson - they love reading about him, they love watching movies about him - but the reality is - if you had a friend like this in your life, you probably would be less than impressed with their actions.
...I kept this entry as a draft until today... the first draft was in May...
I'm finally coming back to it in the last week of July..
It feels fitting, as I was watching a bunch of P!nk videos today, and felt the same sort of feelings towards her... she's sexy, amazing - doesn't appear to give a shit what you think of her.
Sometimes I long for this state of mind. Other times, I feel its the exact opposite of what I'm striving for... in that... I do care what impact I make on the world. I want to create a better space for others. I want to tread lighter, do less harm, and not offend others. Sure, you can't please everyone... that's not my intention... but I do want to move more peacefully on this planet. Perhaps that might sound a little euphoric and Utopian... but I like to think of it as more centered and zen.
I try to think about my actions before I do something now. I try to be more thoughtful in my actions, and learn from my mistakes... I want deeper connections with the people that matter, and of course, I want to see the world with that one person by my side eventually, in wide-eyed wonder.
I really don't care about a shiny car, a big house, a white-picket fence, mortgages, how many sq ft' of land I can acquire, or how many labels hang in my wardrobe. What gets me dreaming, is... how many stamps I can cram into my passport, how many km will the wheels on my suitcase clock, and how many times will the shutter on my camera snap?
How many different languages will these two ears hear? How many different ways will I learn how to say "I love you" so I when I have that special person by my side... I can whisper it into her ear, in many different languages...
My Mom always asked me "What are you running from?" ... Well, for the first time, I can honestly say, I can answer her.
"I'm not running. I'm exploring a world of possibilities, and wonder".
After all.
All that wander are not lost.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Restless, Listless, full of ennui... and on turning 33
I was told recently that I should be happy that I was going through a state of existential crisis. After all, this person pointed out, this is a state of the privileged, as you really don't hear people in Rwanda having these moments do you?
No, no you don't. They are too busy worry about the oh too real shit. Survival.
This quickly put things in perspective for me, and I felt suddenly selfish and small, and like my worries were trivial once again.
This is also a glaring point one for my wanderlust yet again. It helps me keep myself in check most days.
I have found myself with an abundance of free time, which most would find refreshing, and generally I do find it so. However, this free time, is also a time of recovery for me health-wise, so its not a vacation. Far from.
I turn 33 tomorrow. Age is just a number they say. Well, to a point I suppose that is true. Yet, I do believe there should come some wisdom, and some lessons with that number. So with another year, I do have to admit, I do often reflect back on the previous year and think back to where I was my last birthday, and where I am today.
Things have definitely changed for me in that 365 days since I turned 32, this much is true. I have learned quite a bit, at least I can walk away with the knowledge that I didn't squander the last year in a haze or fog. I feel closer to my goals in life, and have worked harder on becoming the person I want to be, and where I want to go in life.
I'm no longer confused on who that person looks like either. Which if you know me at all, you know this has been a life-long struggle in defining who I am, and where I want to be. I suppose that's no different for any of us really, but I never really claimed to be that different than most.
My biggest accomplishment, as a woman, is... I can finally look into the mirror, and smile at the person staring back. I am at peace with her. She's ok. She's not perfect, but who the hell is? But you know what? I *like* her imperfections. They make her real. They make her a work in progress. They make her strive everyday to be a better person.
I read a quote from Ani Difranco recently that really struck a chord with me somewhere so deep, that it's almost my new mantra: "I don't need anyone to hold me, I can hold my own."
I love it.
So with that, I work through my existential crisis, and feelings of 'oh what does it all mean?" "Am I really good enough?" "Should I even try to write anymore" - and say - oh screw it, just keep on going.
As I get older, I surely don't have anymore answers, just more questions - but as I said before - I'm tired of running and worrying about pretty -
why worry about pretty when everyone else is worrying about it for me?
No, no you don't. They are too busy worry about the oh too real shit. Survival.
This quickly put things in perspective for me, and I felt suddenly selfish and small, and like my worries were trivial once again.
This is also a glaring point one for my wanderlust yet again. It helps me keep myself in check most days.
I have found myself with an abundance of free time, which most would find refreshing, and generally I do find it so. However, this free time, is also a time of recovery for me health-wise, so its not a vacation. Far from.
I turn 33 tomorrow. Age is just a number they say. Well, to a point I suppose that is true. Yet, I do believe there should come some wisdom, and some lessons with that number. So with another year, I do have to admit, I do often reflect back on the previous year and think back to where I was my last birthday, and where I am today.
Things have definitely changed for me in that 365 days since I turned 32, this much is true. I have learned quite a bit, at least I can walk away with the knowledge that I didn't squander the last year in a haze or fog. I feel closer to my goals in life, and have worked harder on becoming the person I want to be, and where I want to go in life.
I'm no longer confused on who that person looks like either. Which if you know me at all, you know this has been a life-long struggle in defining who I am, and where I want to be. I suppose that's no different for any of us really, but I never really claimed to be that different than most.
My biggest accomplishment, as a woman, is... I can finally look into the mirror, and smile at the person staring back. I am at peace with her. She's ok. She's not perfect, but who the hell is? But you know what? I *like* her imperfections. They make her real. They make her a work in progress. They make her strive everyday to be a better person.
I read a quote from Ani Difranco recently that really struck a chord with me somewhere so deep, that it's almost my new mantra: "I don't need anyone to hold me, I can hold my own."
I love it.
So with that, I work through my existential crisis, and feelings of 'oh what does it all mean?" "Am I really good enough?" "Should I even try to write anymore" - and say - oh screw it, just keep on going.
As I get older, I surely don't have anymore answers, just more questions - but as I said before - I'm tired of running and worrying about pretty -
why worry about pretty when everyone else is worrying about it for me?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Picking the ball back up
After dropping the proverbial ball on my writing, and well, let's face it, most of my life as I knew it. I have come full circle, and am yet again back to writing about well, anything really. As most of you know, travel is my raison d'etre. So i will no doubt feed your eyes with tales of my past experiences or my new fun finds of future plans of the great wide world I plan to explore.
Also..I have just purchased a laptop - this will be acting as a recovery tool of sorts - as we believe I have Post-Concussion Syndrome - which symptoms include - Cognitive - short term memory (S.T.M.) problems, impaired concentration and attention span, periods of confusion and cognitive slowing (learning problems). --- Which translates into -- My reading, memory and spelling have been atrocious. So, with any luck - this will assist in the recovery of this.
So... back to travel....I need to set your mind at ease here dear reader, I'm not going to try and mimic Lonely Planet, I mean, those publications are there for a reason. They are successful in their own right, for good reason. So I won't pass on great fare deals, or wonderful little hot spots of *the* place to eat down some alleyway gem restaurant in Asia.
Ok, i might share just how amazing the food was, but more out of interest sake...
Something that really peaked my interest recently and I'm going to start doing some research on - is the top 5 Avant Garde travel tours. Stay tuned for that one kids.
Also..I have just purchased a laptop - this will be acting as a recovery tool of sorts - as we believe I have Post-Concussion Syndrome - which symptoms include - Cognitive - short term memory (S.T.M.) problems, impaired concentration and attention span, periods of confusion and cognitive slowing (learning problems). --- Which translates into -- My reading, memory and spelling have been atrocious. So, with any luck - this will assist in the recovery of this.
So... back to travel....I need to set your mind at ease here dear reader, I'm not going to try and mimic Lonely Planet, I mean, those publications are there for a reason. They are successful in their own right, for good reason. So I won't pass on great fare deals, or wonderful little hot spots of *the* place to eat down some alleyway gem restaurant in Asia.
Ok, i might share just how amazing the food was, but more out of interest sake...
Something that really peaked my interest recently and I'm going to start doing some research on - is the top 5 Avant Garde travel tours. Stay tuned for that one kids.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Shifting gears a bit...
So, lately I haven't felt like I have much to write about... I haven't been inspired so to speak... What I have been spending more time doing, is playing with our new camera.
I have started a new project today on flickr that is called Project 365 - where you can take photos of anything... interesting and/or mundane. It's essentially a photo-journal of your year.... So in the spirit of the project, I have decided I will post some of the photos here.
May I add here, photography is a hobby - I in no way claim to be a pro.
Here are my first 4 days offerings:
I have started a new project today on flickr that is called Project 365 - where you can take photos of anything... interesting and/or mundane. It's essentially a photo-journal of your year.... So in the spirit of the project, I have decided I will post some of the photos here.
May I add here, photography is a hobby - I in no way claim to be a pro.
Here are my first 4 days offerings:
Saturday, March 21, 2009
F my life
If you haven't had the privilege of coming across this website yourself... i urge you to check it out!
http://www.fmylife.com/
It's brilliant! Why is it brilliant? Because it's the human condition to laugh at other people's misery. Admit it, we all do it.
See some poor sap slam into that bay window cuz they don't realize that its a window? Yeah, you laugh.
Accidentally watch Grandma's false teeth fall out when she's biting into a leg of chicken? Makes ya crack up every time.
We're sick sick bastards.
No not really... we laugh because we've all been there.
We laugh because it's finally someone else experiencing what we have potentially endured. We laugh, because, unless it's happening to us... it's funny. Really funny.
Ever meet those people that don't laugh in these scenarios? They aren't fun. End of story.
I speak in absolutes about these things, as people with little to no sense of humour need to lighten the hell up.
It's not that we are happy of other people's misfortune... we are laughing to ease the tension. We are laughing because we are not perfect, and it's the imperfections in each of us that make us human. It makes life more tolerable.
If you can't have a sense of humour about life... then really.. is it a life worth living??
I honestly don't believe it is.
In a time where the economy is in the toilet, some of us are working at jobs we are MORE than over qualified for, and maybe even unfortunately laid off or in between jobs... with stress at an all time high, we need to laugh.
Can't find anything uplifting or humourous?
Check out the catwalk from the latest fashion lines. That will be SURE to put a smile on your face. Trust me. I'm starting to believe designers are making bets on who can create the most ridiculous outfit that some half-wit will covet, and pay an absorbent amount of money for.
If fashion isn't your thing, watch a funny movie, or youtube any music video from the 1980's. There's nothing like watching David Bowie in Spandex jamming to themes from Labyrinth.
You get the idea... take time to smell the roses, and laugh at the poor shmuck who gets a bee sting on his nose while doing so....
Life is too short, and too precious to lead a serious life...
Besides... no one gets out alive.
http://www.fmylife.com/
It's brilliant! Why is it brilliant? Because it's the human condition to laugh at other people's misery. Admit it, we all do it.
See some poor sap slam into that bay window cuz they don't realize that its a window? Yeah, you laugh.
Accidentally watch Grandma's false teeth fall out when she's biting into a leg of chicken? Makes ya crack up every time.
We're sick sick bastards.
No not really... we laugh because we've all been there.
We laugh because it's finally someone else experiencing what we have potentially endured. We laugh, because, unless it's happening to us... it's funny. Really funny.
Ever meet those people that don't laugh in these scenarios? They aren't fun. End of story.
I speak in absolutes about these things, as people with little to no sense of humour need to lighten the hell up.
It's not that we are happy of other people's misfortune... we are laughing to ease the tension. We are laughing because we are not perfect, and it's the imperfections in each of us that make us human. It makes life more tolerable.
If you can't have a sense of humour about life... then really.. is it a life worth living??
I honestly don't believe it is.
In a time where the economy is in the toilet, some of us are working at jobs we are MORE than over qualified for, and maybe even unfortunately laid off or in between jobs... with stress at an all time high, we need to laugh.
Can't find anything uplifting or humourous?
Check out the catwalk from the latest fashion lines. That will be SURE to put a smile on your face. Trust me. I'm starting to believe designers are making bets on who can create the most ridiculous outfit that some half-wit will covet, and pay an absorbent amount of money for.
If fashion isn't your thing, watch a funny movie, or youtube any music video from the 1980's. There's nothing like watching David Bowie in Spandex jamming to themes from Labyrinth.
You get the idea... take time to smell the roses, and laugh at the poor shmuck who gets a bee sting on his nose while doing so....
Life is too short, and too precious to lead a serious life...
Besides... no one gets out alive.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
updates.
Well, I finally made a synopsis for my book. Here goes:
Recounting her party days, a young woman reflects on her years in the underground sub-culture that not only she lived and breathed in, but watched some of her friends give their life to. Submerged in a scene where music ruled, DJ’s rose to God-like status, and dancing wasn’t just a hobby, it was as vital as air.
Oh dancing.... I miss it often. Sure, I dance now... I dance as much as I can. I dance in my bedroom while getting ready for work, I go out every so often and get my dance on... but nothing ever will be the same as dancing in those years. I understand you can never go back in time... I understand that things change... I'm grateful for that.... but that feeling of floating and flying from those years... nothing can touch it.
I'm busy lately editing my book... so I'm around... just working on the original writing project.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
The blame game and finding your self worth.
Recently, I have been present to many different people in situations where they are blaming others. Usually this blame is placed in defense of a behaviour or action from the blamer.
Blame bothers me.
The reason it does, is it's usually someone trying to rationalize extreme behaviour - or at times, to keep themselves out of trouble.
Blaming reminds me of young siblings, busy blaming their brother or sister, as to appear like the 'good/golden' child, and cast the other in a less-than-perfect light.
Blaming reminds me of self-esteem or self-worth.
Something I have always wanted to research and write an essay about is self-esteem.
I personally believe that self-esteem can be linked for almost every evil of the world.
Perhaps this might sound like a gross exaggeration... but hear me out.
One of the examples I use for this argument is our ol' favourite... G.W. Bush.
Never have I seen a man in the public eye in the last few years so hated.
...and don't misunderstand me... he's definitely NOT on my top 10 favourite people list. At all.
I think the man is/was dangerous, dim-witted, and downright ignorant. ... but I digress.
I'm not focusing on his intellect, or lack thereof.
This was a man, who ran one of the most powerful countries in the world.. if not THE most powerful country in the world.
He waged wars, ruled with greed and dollar signs in his eyes, and generally wreaked havoc on the world. It was tragic.
A lot of people deem him evil, idiotic, simple, and the list of un-pleasantries goes on.
In my opinion, this all stems from low self esteem.
Let's break it down.
Greed - Why do people want what they want? To live in luxury? Sure. To have an easier life? Sure. I can bet though, that greed in part, is from self-worth. How do you measure up? Will your parents approve? Will more people like you if you have more?
In a study at the University of Waterloo by Danu Anthony, he links self-esteem with appearance.
"People's self-esteem is most strongly tied to traits such as physical appearance, social skills and popularity," says the Anthony.
Anthony goes on to say that, "People state emphatically that it is 'what's inside' that counts and encourage their children not to judge others based on appearances, yet they revere attractive people to an astonishing degree."
Are we to think that beautiful people have more self-esteem than regular folks?
I'm not sure about that, as having worked in the Fashion Industry, specifically with runway models, I witnessed more self-esteem issues than I knew what to do with.
Yet, we are prone to trust a beautiful person rather than a plain-Jane. Why else would advertisers use models and actors to sell their products? We trust them.
It seems like this concept isn't necessarily for self, but for them. We feel, that if someone is beautiful, than they MUST have a higher self-esteem.
But let's go back to lack of self-esteem being a factor in the evils and wrong-doings of life.
Esteem allows you to respect yourself, make good decisions, gives you the courage to try new things, and the power to believe in yourself.
What I find interesting is the fine line between low/high esteem.
Think about that person that appears to have really really high self-esteem. They are insufferable at times right? It's usually a veneer. They are the wizard behind the curtain, desperately trying to dazzle you with their 'wonderful being' while behind the curtain, they are hurting, and overwhelmed with low self-worth.
Perhaps at times, it's really tough to see this fact, but generally speaking these larger than life, cocky egoists, are lacking in the self-respect, and good decision making. Sound familiar?
Esteem paves the way to how we conduct ourselves in our daily lives.
In worst cases of low-self-worth, people become self-centered, without even meaning to. They are so obsessed with how they don't measure up, how they are yet again screwing things up in their life, that it becomes almost obsessive. They cocoon themselves, and retreat from participating in daily activities, and it can even snowball into severe depression.
The media preys on our low self-esteem - and even go as far as "greenwashing" to ease our guilt, and attempt to puff us up, and make us feel like we're at least doing some good in the world... even if we don't have whiter teeth, thinner body, or shinier hair.
They toy with our esteem and emotions, and create a push-pull situation, where some of us are so susceptible to their suggestion, that we are becoming puppets on strings.
This ties into my discontent with mega-stores, and advertising on a whole. We are manipulated and targeted on our weaknesses, and in result, we follow into the cycle of over consumption, greed, and blaming others.
We all sit and wonder, what can we do? How can we help?
The solution has been said to start with us, and from what I can tell... Boosting your self-worth to healthy is an excellent start.
Blame bothers me.
The reason it does, is it's usually someone trying to rationalize extreme behaviour - or at times, to keep themselves out of trouble.
Blaming reminds me of young siblings, busy blaming their brother or sister, as to appear like the 'good/golden' child, and cast the other in a less-than-perfect light.
Blaming reminds me of self-esteem or self-worth.
Something I have always wanted to research and write an essay about is self-esteem.
I personally believe that self-esteem can be linked for almost every evil of the world.
Perhaps this might sound like a gross exaggeration... but hear me out.
One of the examples I use for this argument is our ol' favourite... G.W. Bush.
Never have I seen a man in the public eye in the last few years so hated.
...and don't misunderstand me... he's definitely NOT on my top 10 favourite people list. At all.
I think the man is/was dangerous, dim-witted, and downright ignorant. ... but I digress.
I'm not focusing on his intellect, or lack thereof.
This was a man, who ran one of the most powerful countries in the world.. if not THE most powerful country in the world.
He waged wars, ruled with greed and dollar signs in his eyes, and generally wreaked havoc on the world. It was tragic.
A lot of people deem him evil, idiotic, simple, and the list of un-pleasantries goes on.
In my opinion, this all stems from low self esteem.
Let's break it down.
Greed - Why do people want what they want? To live in luxury? Sure. To have an easier life? Sure. I can bet though, that greed in part, is from self-worth. How do you measure up? Will your parents approve? Will more people like you if you have more?
In a study at the University of Waterloo by Danu Anthony, he links self-esteem with appearance.
"People's self-esteem is most strongly tied to traits such as physical appearance, social skills and popularity," says the Anthony.
Anthony goes on to say that, "People state emphatically that it is 'what's inside' that counts and encourage their children not to judge others based on appearances, yet they revere attractive people to an astonishing degree."
Are we to think that beautiful people have more self-esteem than regular folks?
I'm not sure about that, as having worked in the Fashion Industry, specifically with runway models, I witnessed more self-esteem issues than I knew what to do with.
Yet, we are prone to trust a beautiful person rather than a plain-Jane. Why else would advertisers use models and actors to sell their products? We trust them.
It seems like this concept isn't necessarily for self, but for them. We feel, that if someone is beautiful, than they MUST have a higher self-esteem.
But let's go back to lack of self-esteem being a factor in the evils and wrong-doings of life.
Esteem allows you to respect yourself, make good decisions, gives you the courage to try new things, and the power to believe in yourself.
What I find interesting is the fine line between low/high esteem.
Think about that person that appears to have really really high self-esteem. They are insufferable at times right? It's usually a veneer. They are the wizard behind the curtain, desperately trying to dazzle you with their 'wonderful being' while behind the curtain, they are hurting, and overwhelmed with low self-worth.
Perhaps at times, it's really tough to see this fact, but generally speaking these larger than life, cocky egoists, are lacking in the self-respect, and good decision making. Sound familiar?
Esteem paves the way to how we conduct ourselves in our daily lives.
In worst cases of low-self-worth, people become self-centered, without even meaning to. They are so obsessed with how they don't measure up, how they are yet again screwing things up in their life, that it becomes almost obsessive. They cocoon themselves, and retreat from participating in daily activities, and it can even snowball into severe depression.
The media preys on our low self-esteem - and even go as far as "greenwashing" to ease our guilt, and attempt to puff us up, and make us feel like we're at least doing some good in the world... even if we don't have whiter teeth, thinner body, or shinier hair.
They toy with our esteem and emotions, and create a push-pull situation, where some of us are so susceptible to their suggestion, that we are becoming puppets on strings.
This ties into my discontent with mega-stores, and advertising on a whole. We are manipulated and targeted on our weaknesses, and in result, we follow into the cycle of over consumption, greed, and blaming others.
We all sit and wonder, what can we do? How can we help?
The solution has been said to start with us, and from what I can tell... Boosting your self-worth to healthy is an excellent start.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Travel love & not fighting the Universe.
I found a new website, that I love, adore - and all the good stuff.
http://www.panoramas.dk/fullscreen5/f23_yokohama.html
I was having a moment of Japan-homesickness the other day, and looked up google images and found this gem.
That particular url is Yokohama at night. The city in which I resided in while living in Japan.
My heart ached looking at the site.
I then explored further.... the Grand Canyon, The Red Square, Times Square, Mt. Everest, Taj Mahal, and even Burning Man - are all highlighted in this panoramic site. Such good stuff, for an armchair traveler which at the moment I need to be.
You can fight with the Universe, but often times, you will find that you lose.... and you lose bigtime.
Currently - The Universe has sent MORE than a few signs that I need to write, and perhaps not let the travel bug rear it's head and run the show.
Yes, I'm sulking a bit, but at least I love to write... and will soon be taking classes to define my craft.
From the comfort of my couch, I can travel in my mind to The Red Square or Times Square (which I have at least seen at least 3 times during my time in NYC).
I also have a new fondness for the Golden Pagoda in Myanmar (Burma for those of you that haven't been following along in World Issues).
There are so many places to go and explore.. and so little time...
As the Discovery Channel's commercial states - The World is just awesome!
http://www.panoramas.dk/fullscreen5/f23_yokohama.html
I was having a moment of Japan-homesickness the other day, and looked up google images and found this gem.
That particular url is Yokohama at night. The city in which I resided in while living in Japan.
My heart ached looking at the site.
I then explored further.... the Grand Canyon, The Red Square, Times Square, Mt. Everest, Taj Mahal, and even Burning Man - are all highlighted in this panoramic site. Such good stuff, for an armchair traveler which at the moment I need to be.
You can fight with the Universe, but often times, you will find that you lose.... and you lose bigtime.
Currently - The Universe has sent MORE than a few signs that I need to write, and perhaps not let the travel bug rear it's head and run the show.
Yes, I'm sulking a bit, but at least I love to write... and will soon be taking classes to define my craft.
From the comfort of my couch, I can travel in my mind to The Red Square or Times Square (which I have at least seen at least 3 times during my time in NYC).
I also have a new fondness for the Golden Pagoda in Myanmar (Burma for those of you that haven't been following along in World Issues).
There are so many places to go and explore.. and so little time...
As the Discovery Channel's commercial states - The World is just awesome!
Jodhpurs, the L-word, and being up after my bedtime.
One of the biggest reasons I left the fashion industry was the plastic people.
Surrounding myself with them daily started to give me an existential crisis.
A tv-show tonight reconfirmed that belief... but not due to the plastic people...
Jodhpurs are in style still.
For those of you not familiar ----->
Sexy eh?
Seriously designers - what the hell are you trying to do to us???
Unless you ARE a runway model, and look good in pretty much everything including a burlap sac... WHO DOES THIS LOOK GOOD ON!?
Hey, even hot RCMP officers look dapper in the red serge... but the lower regions of this variation leave something to be desired.
News flash... The Emperor has no clothes. Thank god... cuz if he was wearing this get-up, we'd just secretly wish he was naked anyways.
God I wish the days of Breakfast at Tiffany's style was back in. How much do i wish i could pull off a simple little black dress with a big floppy hat and over-sized sunglasses paired with a nice set of pearls?
On a completely different note... The show the L-word does reconfirm my belief that lesbians as a whole are insane. Love them. But ladies... we're wack jobs... just admit it.
Admittedly - watching the show is my guilty pleasure... for the same reason that most of my dyke friends have confessed - watching dyke drama that you aren't directly related in - is somewhat comforting, and a relief.
Of course, being married now has allowed me to side-step the entire drama cycle, which I am over the moon about.
Kate Moennig aka Shane in the series does give me my tv-star lust points.
Albeit, I'm not generally one to swoon over actresses, and actors... as i find it a tad futile, and pointless - but damn that is a good looking woman. It's ridiculous really.
Suddenly I'm too tired to continue... or even watch this show, of overtly beautiful & glamours lesbians. Fake or not. Kate Moenning will just have to act away without this gal fawning over her for tonight.
...till later...
Surrounding myself with them daily started to give me an existential crisis.
A tv-show tonight reconfirmed that belief... but not due to the plastic people...
Jodhpurs are in style still.
For those of you not familiar ----->
Sexy eh?
Seriously designers - what the hell are you trying to do to us???
Unless you ARE a runway model, and look good in pretty much everything including a burlap sac... WHO DOES THIS LOOK GOOD ON!?
Hey, even hot RCMP officers look dapper in the red serge... but the lower regions of this variation leave something to be desired.
News flash... The Emperor has no clothes. Thank god... cuz if he was wearing this get-up, we'd just secretly wish he was naked anyways.
God I wish the days of Breakfast at Tiffany's style was back in. How much do i wish i could pull off a simple little black dress with a big floppy hat and over-sized sunglasses paired with a nice set of pearls?
On a completely different note... The show the L-word does reconfirm my belief that lesbians as a whole are insane. Love them. But ladies... we're wack jobs... just admit it.
Admittedly - watching the show is my guilty pleasure... for the same reason that most of my dyke friends have confessed - watching dyke drama that you aren't directly related in - is somewhat comforting, and a relief.
Of course, being married now has allowed me to side-step the entire drama cycle, which I am over the moon about.
Kate Moennig aka Shane in the series does give me my tv-star lust points.
Albeit, I'm not generally one to swoon over actresses, and actors... as i find it a tad futile, and pointless - but damn that is a good looking woman. It's ridiculous really.
Suddenly I'm too tired to continue... or even watch this show, of overtly beautiful & glamours lesbians. Fake or not. Kate Moenning will just have to act away without this gal fawning over her for tonight.
...till later...
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