... I promised myself this wouldn't be a personal blog about my day to day life, etc.
However, I do believe it's impossible to write without revealing yourself even if for a moment. Be it fiction, a poem, a novel.. whatever. The writing will somehow have your personality infused in the piece.
So, I'm trying not to feel TOO guilty about expressing what I'm feeling right now.
What I'm feeling is the big ol' travel bug rearing his head up from the pit of my belly, where he usually resides.
I've been back home from Japan for almost a year, and I am fearful that I'm forgetting the little things that make travel so wonderful, and yet challenging.
My passport is sitting in my dresser, whispering that it needs exercise, muttering that it longs to be filled with stamps... Like a junkie itching for another fix, I swear it flutters when I open the drawer, just begging me to notice it.
I tend to be superstitious about travel, and feel the universe will let it fall into place if it's meant to happen... It's always worked like that before in my life...
However, as I try to wait patiently for the right time, I ache for culture shock, and overcrowded airports.
This bug in my belly... he has set up camp there, and has no intentions of leaving anytime soon.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
To misquote Mr. T.S. Eliot....
"..In the room busy people come and go, Talking of Michelangelo.."
T.S. Eliot has always been one of my favourite poets. From an early age, his poetry spoke to me, unlike any other words on paper. In fact, he was the first person, who taught me that words on paper can invoke not only a feeling, but an experience. As a person who always gravitated towards visual art, things like writing and poetry never really struck me as "Art".
However, as I age, and as I get more involved with writing, I am completely overjoyed to find an 'art' that I finally have a feel and passion for. Plus it's easier to silence my internal critic when I write, rather than painting. My internal painting critic tends to be a nasty troll. ha ha.
So, back to the quote...
It came to me today, as I was having a conversation with a close friend.
The conversation was about friendships, and communication.
The reason this conversation inspired me, was, it wasn't the first time the friendship topic came up this week.
Earlier this week, I admitted to a friend, that I have realized that our conversations have been a tad one sided, and I was the one usually venting or sharing... The amazing thing about this friend, is that she called me on it. She agreed, and didn't let me get away with it! Sure, it's tough to hear, but in the end, it helps me become more cognisant of my shortcomings, and the things I need to work on in the quest to become a better friend.
The other conversation was a bit different, in that, it didn't directly involve me, but the theme of being a more thoughtful friend was again coming to the surface.
Which brings me to a reminder for myself...
Friendships are not fixed things that just have formed, and that's it. They are not pieces of art, that have been created, and once they have, no longer need attention or care.
It is so so easy to take for granted our friendships, when we get caught up in our own busy busy worlds.
Friendships are like relationships - they require care, communication, and empathy.
Sometimes, the hardest hurdles to overcome in a friendship, actually strengthen and form bonds that you never thought were possible. ... and in those times, you just may learn things about yourself, and about the other person.
Sure, we all have people float in and out of our busy lives... it may even, at times feel like a revolving door of people in and out of your life...
But true and wonderful friends are rare and amazing to find, and like any living thing.. need care, love and patience to maintain.
In the end though, it's 100% worth it.
T.S. Eliot has always been one of my favourite poets. From an early age, his poetry spoke to me, unlike any other words on paper. In fact, he was the first person, who taught me that words on paper can invoke not only a feeling, but an experience. As a person who always gravitated towards visual art, things like writing and poetry never really struck me as "Art".
However, as I age, and as I get more involved with writing, I am completely overjoyed to find an 'art' that I finally have a feel and passion for. Plus it's easier to silence my internal critic when I write, rather than painting. My internal painting critic tends to be a nasty troll. ha ha.
So, back to the quote...
It came to me today, as I was having a conversation with a close friend.
The conversation was about friendships, and communication.
The reason this conversation inspired me, was, it wasn't the first time the friendship topic came up this week.
Earlier this week, I admitted to a friend, that I have realized that our conversations have been a tad one sided, and I was the one usually venting or sharing... The amazing thing about this friend, is that she called me on it. She agreed, and didn't let me get away with it! Sure, it's tough to hear, but in the end, it helps me become more cognisant of my shortcomings, and the things I need to work on in the quest to become a better friend.
The other conversation was a bit different, in that, it didn't directly involve me, but the theme of being a more thoughtful friend was again coming to the surface.
Which brings me to a reminder for myself...
Friendships are not fixed things that just have formed, and that's it. They are not pieces of art, that have been created, and once they have, no longer need attention or care.
It is so so easy to take for granted our friendships, when we get caught up in our own busy busy worlds.
Friendships are like relationships - they require care, communication, and empathy.
Sometimes, the hardest hurdles to overcome in a friendship, actually strengthen and form bonds that you never thought were possible. ... and in those times, you just may learn things about yourself, and about the other person.
Sure, we all have people float in and out of our busy lives... it may even, at times feel like a revolving door of people in and out of your life...
But true and wonderful friends are rare and amazing to find, and like any living thing.. need care, love and patience to maintain.
In the end though, it's 100% worth it.
I've said it before...
..and i will say it again.
Western Culture drives me MENTAL.
Seriously, I can barely stand it.
Bigger cars, bigger houses, bigger dinner plates... for our bigger meals, to fill our bigger stomachs, while we watch our bigger asses grow. Gah.
Coffee aka Americano-double-shot-espresso-venti-whipped-cream-goodness? Sure, do you want that in large, larger, or gallon size? For here? Or should we just strap wheels on it, and you can pulley it around all day?
Then you climb into your tank of a vehicle, go to your dead-end-life-sucking job in your tiny cubicle, so you can make some corporation millions of dollars a year, while you make $3-$10 over minimum wage, so you can buy more stuff, to pack into your giant house and car.
After an exhausting day of that drivel you make your way home, eat a giant meal, and sit in front of that mind-numbing box some people pass off as entertainment.
Then you save up from your miserable job, to go someplace sunny for 1 week.. and sit there like a lifeless lump... muttering about how "this is the life!"
Excuse me? WHAT??!!
There is something inherently wrong with this picture!
Yes, yes I do realize not EVERYONE is like this... but there are enough people out there, that can probably relate.
...and although I might sound bitter.. I'm really not.
I do have hope...and I do have faith.
...and no, i'm not having a 'the grass is greener' type of notion that other countries don't experience this... I'm sure there are little cities and suburbs in all countries that have the same trend... or worse.. aspire to this 'dream'.
Yes, I like the term dream.... Dreaming suggests that you are asleep.
It offers the notion of not being fully aware, and perhaps even sleeping walking in a dream like state.
Who hasn't felt like they are on auto-pilot and in a daze during their morning routine?
What I do hope for though, is that one day we are shaken to our very core, and wake the hell up.
Unleash ourselves from these shackles of greed, and lust for more more more.
Losing weight, or getting those new shoes, really won't fill the void, and if someone likes you more due to this, well.... perhaps they aren't the type of folks you want as company.
For years, I was a late 20-something gal, that felt almost embarrassed that I STILL didn't know what I wanted to do when i grew up...
Well, I'm in my early 30's now, and frankly I'm probably no closer to figuring it out... but at least I do know what I will not stand for, and what I don't want my life to settle into...
...and honestly... I feel like that's at least a step in the proper direction.
Western Culture drives me MENTAL.
Seriously, I can barely stand it.
Bigger cars, bigger houses, bigger dinner plates... for our bigger meals, to fill our bigger stomachs, while we watch our bigger asses grow. Gah.
Coffee aka Americano-double-shot-espresso-venti-whipped-cream-goodness? Sure, do you want that in large, larger, or gallon size? For here? Or should we just strap wheels on it, and you can pulley it around all day?
Then you climb into your tank of a vehicle, go to your dead-end-life-sucking job in your tiny cubicle, so you can make some corporation millions of dollars a year, while you make $3-$10 over minimum wage, so you can buy more stuff, to pack into your giant house and car.
After an exhausting day of that drivel you make your way home, eat a giant meal, and sit in front of that mind-numbing box some people pass off as entertainment.
Then you save up from your miserable job, to go someplace sunny for 1 week.. and sit there like a lifeless lump... muttering about how "this is the life!"
Excuse me? WHAT??!!
There is something inherently wrong with this picture!
Yes, yes I do realize not EVERYONE is like this... but there are enough people out there, that can probably relate.
...and although I might sound bitter.. I'm really not.
I do have hope...and I do have faith.
...and no, i'm not having a 'the grass is greener' type of notion that other countries don't experience this... I'm sure there are little cities and suburbs in all countries that have the same trend... or worse.. aspire to this 'dream'.
Yes, I like the term dream.... Dreaming suggests that you are asleep.
It offers the notion of not being fully aware, and perhaps even sleeping walking in a dream like state.
Who hasn't felt like they are on auto-pilot and in a daze during their morning routine?
What I do hope for though, is that one day we are shaken to our very core, and wake the hell up.
Unleash ourselves from these shackles of greed, and lust for more more more.
Losing weight, or getting those new shoes, really won't fill the void, and if someone likes you more due to this, well.... perhaps they aren't the type of folks you want as company.
For years, I was a late 20-something gal, that felt almost embarrassed that I STILL didn't know what I wanted to do when i grew up...
Well, I'm in my early 30's now, and frankly I'm probably no closer to figuring it out... but at least I do know what I will not stand for, and what I don't want my life to settle into...
...and honestly... I feel like that's at least a step in the proper direction.
32 years and counting... thank god change is constant
Lately things about my past have come to the surface...
May it be... a discussion about my previous work experience in fashion and special events with a co-worker..
Or perhaps clarifying rumours with an old elementary school friend....
Whatever the topics may have been... there seems to be a focus of discussion on catching up with old friends, or perhaps introducing myself to new people.
The thing that struck me after each of these conversations was always the same...
Thank God change is constant, and who I was even 3 years ago, is LIGHT YEARS away of who I am today.
I have often stated that I have lived a life of no regrets.. and honestly, I do stand by that statement.
The things I have done, experienced, and gone through have made me the person I am today... and perhaps I didn't obtain fame, that I so desperately coveted in my early 20's... but I can wake up every morning, and look in the mirror and be ok with the person looking back at me.
One of the things that jumped out at me during meditation this time around, was change.. and the people we know... sometimes we automatically have a thought in our head about a person... maybe its good, maybe its bad... this could be due to something that was said about this person, something the person directly did... etc..
What they stressed in meditation was... this is still not a true test or measure of who that person really is... good people can do bad things, bad people can sometimes show random acts of kindness... but who we really are is something that constantly changes from moment to moment.
So the task I have set for myself is this... try to think outside of how I feel about a person depending on my thoughts surrounding them... and experience them for the first time (fresh eyes if you will) each time I come into contact with them.
This may conjure up feelings of... why do I consider this person a close friend really... or why again was it that I think this person wasn't great?
Lately I have surprised myself with who I am reconnecting with in my life... and who I have lost touch with due to a busy life on both ends....
Either way... I'm more comfortable with the ebb n flow of life these days.. and am truly grateful that 'this too shall pass'
May it be... a discussion about my previous work experience in fashion and special events with a co-worker..
Or perhaps clarifying rumours with an old elementary school friend....
Whatever the topics may have been... there seems to be a focus of discussion on catching up with old friends, or perhaps introducing myself to new people.
The thing that struck me after each of these conversations was always the same...
Thank God change is constant, and who I was even 3 years ago, is LIGHT YEARS away of who I am today.
I have often stated that I have lived a life of no regrets.. and honestly, I do stand by that statement.
The things I have done, experienced, and gone through have made me the person I am today... and perhaps I didn't obtain fame, that I so desperately coveted in my early 20's... but I can wake up every morning, and look in the mirror and be ok with the person looking back at me.
One of the things that jumped out at me during meditation this time around, was change.. and the people we know... sometimes we automatically have a thought in our head about a person... maybe its good, maybe its bad... this could be due to something that was said about this person, something the person directly did... etc..
What they stressed in meditation was... this is still not a true test or measure of who that person really is... good people can do bad things, bad people can sometimes show random acts of kindness... but who we really are is something that constantly changes from moment to moment.
So the task I have set for myself is this... try to think outside of how I feel about a person depending on my thoughts surrounding them... and experience them for the first time (fresh eyes if you will) each time I come into contact with them.
This may conjure up feelings of... why do I consider this person a close friend really... or why again was it that I think this person wasn't great?
Lately I have surprised myself with who I am reconnecting with in my life... and who I have lost touch with due to a busy life on both ends....
Either way... I'm more comfortable with the ebb n flow of life these days.. and am truly grateful that 'this too shall pass'
Practice makes perfect?
Writing, writing writing..
Its interesting, as whenever i set a goal for myself... i find i don't have much to say.
This is quite honestly, my ...oh i dunno.. 5th, 6th, blog.
But some blogs, journals, etc aren't meant for mass consumption.. at least not until i'm dead and gone anyway.
Yeah, i know it's stunning to think that I don't have much to say.. but the point of this blog, is to practice practice practice writing.
So here we go.
Its interesting, as whenever i set a goal for myself... i find i don't have much to say.
This is quite honestly, my ...oh i dunno.. 5th, 6th, blog.
But some blogs, journals, etc aren't meant for mass consumption.. at least not until i'm dead and gone anyway.
Yeah, i know it's stunning to think that I don't have much to say.. but the point of this blog, is to practice practice practice writing.
So here we go.
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