Today, I will put my best foot forward.
Today, I will realize that everyone is also fighting some sort of internal battle.. and they don't necessarily share my point of view on life, or the world in general.
Today I will try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
These are things I now try to live by...
Not too long ago... I really didn't take notice to the world around me... I had blinders on... tunnel vision... It was my world, and the people in it, were more like "supporting cast" that came into the frame for mere moments... and then would fleet in and out of the picture... at different times..
My time leading up to my trip to Japan, my time there, and after I came back... my view on life changed drastically... I changed. ... and frankly... Thank the Universe for that!
I felt more in line with the belief that "we are all connected" ... and the thought process of - if a mosquito flaps its wings in Tibet, they feel it in NYC. This concept sometimes is a bit of an extreme to really wrap your mind around... but consider this...
If you are having a crappy day and don't harness or process your thoughts properly... the energy you release outwardly... isn't going to be stellar... ergo, it sets off a Domino effect.... you flip someone the bird, frown, pout, etc... and this sets off into motion a chain reaction.. Whereas, if you patiently... assess your situation, calmly figure stuff out... and try to work through your stuff.. and put your best foot forward... smile... put out positive energy... do nice things.... this too sets off a chain reaction... but of positivity. ...and in the age of the internet... and how closely we *are* all connected now as a global community... It's not such a far fetched idea to consider that your mood could really alter the state of someone across the planet... I mean, how many of us have a friend or 5 living abroad? Or a business associate?
I know I have covered this before... but it's truly something to try to keep at daily... It's not an easy task... It's not a concept to think about.. nod, and say... "Yeah, that's a good idea", and then venture out into the world... and all hell breaks loose... ... it's something I feel we really must be diligent with on a daily basis. Gentle reminders ...
I'm not sitting here on my Lotus petals either, stating that I'm at a zenful, peaceful place, and do the aforementioned without fail.... Sure, I get grumpy, cranky, & moody..... I am human.... What I do try to remember... is that these actions do affect others greatly, and that this mood will affect the other people I care about, and potentially even the people whom I haven't even met before in my life.
This isn't to say, let someone treat you unfairly or poorly... this is where boundaries come in, as mentioned in my previous post (re: Feral Creatures) - but being more open and calm, at least extinguishes a potentially heated situation.... It also helps make clearer and more rational decisions moving forward..
It's a hectic world ... but remaining calm, mindful & positive at least gives us a leg up on trying to see some order in all the chaos out there.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Fencing the Feral Creatures of your life...
Emotions - we all have em...
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
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