Breathe... it's gonna be ok

Sometimes I get ahead of myself in my thinking...
Ok, I'm not special... I realize this.

I get myself all balled up though... I panic. I think about things like.. Wow, I've been off work from this accident for an awfully long time - these tests, and specialists sure are taking their time! Why does this have to be SUCH a process?!

Then my brain kicks into turbo mode, and it's off into panic highway...

What am I doing? Why is this taking so long?! How much longer will this take? What about when I want to get back into the work force? How will that look? What about my career? What about my bigger goals in life?

...and this inner monologue can continue to spiral for hours if I truly let it.

However, thankfully - by some small miracle... I don't.

There's a new tiny voice inside my head that whispers - breaaaaaaaaaaaathe.

It gently reminds me - It's gonna be ok...Things are happening for a reason.

I'm not entirely sure where this tiny voice came from, or even, how it's able to, for such a tiny voice, quiet down the rest of the mindless chatter that clings to panic highway so dearly... But... thankfully - the tiny voice prevails, and all the monkey chatter subsides, and the tiny ninja voice bows, and goes back to keeping harmony.

That's not to say, that this little voice doesn't have its work cut out for it... Oh... mama... it does...

I mean, i'd prefer to not have panic highway happen in my mind at all...

I'd prefer if tiny ninja voice didn't have to regularly kick some major ass, and just rule the roost generally...

...but for now... I'm grateful that it's at least there...picking up the pieces.

Going back to basics

I have two books I have affectionately termed: "My bibles"

I call them such for good reason - I pretty much read them and follow them like most follow and read a bible. Religiously.

I read them over, mull over their lessons, meditate on what it has to teach me, reference them, cross reference them, pull them out during certain times in my life, etc -- I'm sure you get the idea.

Be it happy, angry, sad, whatever - these two books have seen me through.

So... As per usual... I am again, going through one of the books -

Currently I'm wading through the second book - I'm on Life Lesson #6 - A snippet - " Thoughts work like magnets. You attract what you think. Hence: Synchronicity exists. Nothing is random."

"Infinite Intelligence... what Einstein believed to be a humongous invisible thought ocean where all the answer you've ever tried to look for can be found."

Fantastic thought isn't it?

I need to remind myself lately, things are happening here for a reason - perhaps stepping back and understanding there is a larger picture at work here - it's not about the day to day things always - but a more larger scale project - lump of my entire life going on ... not just - here in this moment - sure it's the only thing we do have - however, if I create a more peaceful moment - with positive thoughts and outlook - perhaps the future will start to shape up in a more positive light.

The great thing is this - when I think about my future lately - I have the biggest urge to smile - I feel like I'm closer to more positive actions - more positive people in my life -

Sure it's a slower process than I imagined - Sure I didn't think I'd be in the city I am now for this long ... however - clearly I am for a reason --- clearly i still need to learn something - so I need to utilize my time as best I can - understand the messages, and not sit and think "Gee, this sucks that I'm stuck here" ...

Nope.

Instead I need to realize - "Hey, I'm here obviously to learn something... ok Universe... I'm listening... "

Perhaps the lesson won't fully be clear until after I go.. whenever that day is...
That's ok... for now, I'll just sit with myself and learn how to be a better me one day at a time.