Emotions - we all have em...
Some of us however, like to let them run wild like feral animals in the jungle without as much as giving them a second thought... We feel this is completely a-ok - as hey, what we 'feel' is valid, and why shouldn't we be able to freely express what we are feeling at any given moment.... Right??!
Wellllll.....
While I'm all for expressing oneself... I do believe we should all for a moment put on our big kid panties, and pretend we have adult skills, and actually act like... Oh... I dunno... "adults".
We are not, after all a bunch of 5 year old children that need to pout because "Johnny" pushed us down, or we didn't get our own way... Let's be reasonable. Let's "fix our shit" as my friend so eloquently put it once.
I suppose the reason for this post, is mostly due to more than a few friends recently confiding in me, people that have been in their lives that they have been interacting with - who have unfortunately for them... NOT been harnessing their emotions like adults.
Of course, we all wish the world would sign up for mandatory therapy sessions... however, this ain't Utopia, so let's not peer through our rose tinted glasses, and pretend the Emperor is wearing clothes... He's buck naked.
So... what shall we do?
Grinning and acting like it doesn't bother you doesn't seem like a viable option at times - sure it will work some of the time... however, there are times, when truly if someone is being an emotional nightmare, you should really speak up.
I suppose this is where boundaries would come in... Find yours and start planting them firmly into place... Maybe gently at first.... (emotionally stunted folks are feral remember... sometimes they bite, and snarl... proceed with caution dear reader)
...but do find where your boundaries lie.... as this will be the framework of what you can and can't handle in any future interactions with the feral ones...
I have found boundaries so challenging, as these were something no one taught us anything about in school... Hell, who even learned about these damn things until our mid-20's? (Ok, unless you had some SERIOUSLY awesome amazing parents - or ones who were in the Social Work/Psychology fields)
It may sound discouraging or even frustrating to feel like the responsibility lies in yourself to create these boundaries, as you may think - Well, if they are being emotionally ridiculous, why should *I* be the one who has to change *my* behaviour, or create boundaries?! ... I struggled with this one myself, when I didn't like a particular family members behaviour for YEARS... but then I realized... you simply cannot change someone else's behaviour... only your own... So instead of banging your head against a wall again and again, due to someone else's crazy emotional behaviour... at least you are armed now with the knowledge that... HEY... this person is emotionally feral... time to set up some fencing!
Honestly... it was the best decision of my life... as my life became infinitely easier from that day forward.. now that I have my boundaries firmly in place... I just watch the emotional feral show from a distance... .... and heck... now it's even rather entertaining at times.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
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I have been on both sides of that fence. I have been the emotionally feral animal pacing the fence line, frothing at the mouth, and snarling irrationally. Luckily, I've grown and learned and been tamed properly.
ReplyDeleteNow I just have to work on that fencing around my area to keep the animals out of my happy zone. I've JUST started learning about boundaries. So far, my fence is made of a ridge of grass that is slightly higher than the rest of the lawn. Some people who know me very well notice it. Most people just trudge through, smack me on the head, and trudge out again. But I have planted the grass seed that hopefully will grow taller. Once it's ready, and I've saved up a little - I'll go to my internal Home Depot and get the fencing. Likely the first fence will be wood, but eventually I'll advance to the electrified 12-foot variety with barbed wire on the top.
Then all the frothing feral animals can pace and snarl together, as I sit safely in my lawn chair and throw marshmallows to them, and watch them fight.
from my experience, parents with Social Work/Psychology backgrounds, have children that are the scariest. it's like they put their blinders on at home, or, they got into that field because they know their kids are too far gone. now don't get me wrong, i know they aren't all like that.
ReplyDeletehowever, for me, now in my thirties, my stunned emotional state has finally started to grow up a little too, thank god. but for some reason, boundaries are still something that i struggle with. my fencing is now made up of cement, barbed wire, lasers, and motion detectors... and still doesn't seem to be enough.
i'm sure everything will all come together sooner or later.