Most of the time, I fill my life with interesting things to do -- be it interesting reading, hobbies, people, places, activities... etc.
Lately however, my life has come to a bit of a standstill.
People consider this part of 'growing up, or settling down'
While I have no objections of acting your actual age, I do not believe this means you have to just slip into a routine of work, home, sleep...
It's a catch 22 really... if you posses a deep desire to explore, you are often faced with people making comments on how you are running away, or need to settle down.
Comments like these make my skin crawl. Truly.
I don't think there is a formula for what being an adult entails.
I recently had a conversation with a co-worker, where we were discussing the type of life we want to lead. He was chatting about house prices, his car, etc.
We were standing outside of our work... and there, we are surrounded by all the 'conveniences of the burbs'; giant big box stores - Petcetera, Home Depot, Winners, Giant grocery stores, etc. You get the picture.
I waved my hand Vanna White style at this display of mega-stores, and said... "It's things like this that drive me crazy. It's fatuous , and there is something definitely wrong with it." (ok, i used another f word... but i'm keeping things clean here).
He laughed and said he loved it, that he loved the potential of buying a house, getting a better car, being within driving distance of all these 'mega-store-conveniences'. He went on to say that these things are his comfort and sense of security.
I winced.
I shook my head, and pointed to my heart and my mind... and said... "these are my security... this is my home".
As the old saying goes (and is even the title of a book) - Where ever you go - there you are.
I find it interesting that people identify so whole-heartedly with outside possessions... houses, cars, video games, - and even go as far as having them as security. It sometimes feels like (and i'm sure i'm going to catch hell for this thought) - but it almost feels like the need for a security blanket when we are younger morphs into bigger things as we grow older.
I understand that in the heirarchy of needs (according to Maslow) that we do require shelter... and I do understand the joy of inhabiting your own space...
Recently one of my best friends took ownership of his first house with his partner. He was estatic... I would never try to take away that feeling from anyone. Truly I wouldn't. I was honestly happy for him...
I just don't 100% understand it... and by it, i mean... the desire to own a home.
Perhaps this will only come with having and purchasing my own home... but I have to admit... owning a home isn't even close to the top of my life's 'to do' list.
What baffles me, are the looks of horror or bewilderment that are directed my way when I confess these feelings.
Is it so bad that I don't want to own a home, buy a car for the sake of 'feeling secure'?
Why do I need to if I already feel secure on my own, without these things?
I understand the viewpoint of renting vs. owning. It's an investment, it's not paying some stranger, and actually putting money towards something that will one day be yours. I get that.
Of course, that is going along with the same vein of being in one town for the rest of your life... which is another thought that bores me tremendously.
Whenever I find myself in a routine, I hear the faint lyrics of Bjork - There's more to life than this... Admittedly Bjork was referring to a party... but the jist is still there.
The lifestyle I want to lead doesn't have to be a constant 3-ring circus, night at the Oscars, over the top parade of excitement... But the thought of having a mini-van going from Home Depot, to Petcetera, to Walmart makes me die a little inside.
We are a nation of consumers. We are leaning towards becoming a fast-food, logo-wearing, plastic paying, silicone enhanced robots.
Have passport will travel.
Have pillow will sleep.
Have heart and mind - will be secure.
It's really that simple for me.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
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I can identify. I often squirm at the realization that I don't even know how to have that sort of conversation with someone.
ReplyDeleteI do understand the excitement and sense of accomplishment in buying a home. It's much the same as any major purchase you've lusted after. It's just the biggest of the big for most people. Also, I suppose it broadcasts a sense of success to others around you. I suppose that must have to feel good somehow as well.
As a matter of living in an outdoor shopping mall and somehow procuring a sense of security out of it is downright disturbing. Pausing to reflect a moment I might say that I've never felt LESS secure and MORE uncomfortable in such environments.
My Father was once angered at my disinterest in his offer to help me buy a house. He couldn't understand my viewpoint on the whole thing. The best I could do was sum it up by saying to him, "I can't buy a house right now. I don't know where I want to live."
That's it exactly!
ReplyDeleteHow could i buy a home, when I haven't a clue where I want to end up.
..and in the end... we all end up as ashes or in the ground.
If one can buy a home, then buy a home if you choose to...if one can't buy a home, then don't. It seems so simple to me, but general society puts pressure on people to think you barely exist without owning one...thankfully I am not general society.
ReplyDeleteRe: big box stores...sad, stale, boring...but they make them seem "affordable" for the Moms, etc. so they're attracted to that...but then they get distracted by all the other things & end up spending more.
Thanks for sharing DeE.
Um... perhaps I should of read this before posting in the other entry. Perhaps it's not consumerism you hate but the landscape you're describing. I hate Suburbia, and the souless vertical towers in the middle of the 401 come in a close second on my hate list.
ReplyDeleteI like places like Cabbagetown, Gastown, Commercial Drive, Parkdale and the West End. They're all mixes of medium to high density with interesting idependent shops and a few chains.
PS: It's better to be renting than owning a house. I figured this out a few years ago after trying to figure out how on earth people could afford those condos. Turns out - they couldn't!
And now the housing market is implooding just like how that house got sucked into a vortex in Poltergiest I.
Okay, as a banker and one who owns a home, I must speak up. Owning a home makes financial sense because we are not all going to be struck with wanderlust until the day we die. We will get old. We will need a place to just be. Why does it make sense to own a home (earlier the better)? Mortgage payments cease, rent payments do not. I don't want to be eating cat food when I'm 75 because I have to make the choice between making rent and not freezing in my apartment or food. More than ever, when I'm old I want a sense of security. I don't want to worry about where I'm going to live. I want to know that my home is paid for.
ReplyDeleteAs far as 'souless vertical towers in the middle of the 401' go... what?! There are loads of families, friends and potential new friends and acquaintances to get familiar with. It's like a little city in a building and there is quite a sense of community within those towers. Further, from an environmental perspective, those towers make the most sense because then there isn't as much urban sprawl. The farm lands will be safer, the playgrounds will be safer, etc. We won't have as much 'need' to take over precious field space if we live vertically!
Cupcake you make excellent points.
ReplyDeleteYou really do.
I do have to admit here, that the part of me that resists owning a home, does get questioned by the other part of me that wants security, if my resistance is to hold onto my youth.
How I feel now, may be much much different than when I'm 65.
Although, I do counter that with the same part of me that doesn't want children...
I do sometimes wonder if I will regret having no desire to embark either... and it does seem to be the point of -- you don't know how amazing it is, until you have either... and once you have them.. you honestly don't know how you lived your life before.
Please don't think I shun anyone that does have children, or a home. I just get frustrated with folks who need more/bigger/better.